I was completely and utterly delighted today to find in the supermarket a green drinking coconut.
I have been wanting to make young coconut kefir drink for some time. I tasted something like it at the Allergy show and was hooked!
What is it? Basically, a non-dairy, pro-biotic drink with lots of goodies hiding inside. It tastes fizzy and slightly sour.
You get the juice out of the coconut, add the kefir grain and let it sit for a day or two.
Hopefully the children will take to it. I'll add it to their juice!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Blog
This blog has been a little quiet this week because I've been tired tired tired, with a headache that is possibly connected to the ache in the hole where my wisdom tooth used to be. (Apparently this is not normal, and I have to go back to the dentist. Great!!)
With a dodgy body, I've had no thoughts beyond 'poor me' and 'how can I feel better' and 'how and what can I get my children to eat', all of which is a little dull to blog about. In order to feel better I've given up drinking tea and eating sugar (truly!)... it hasn't worked yet, but it may...
With a dodgy body, I've had no thoughts beyond 'poor me' and 'how can I feel better' and 'how and what can I get my children to eat', all of which is a little dull to blog about. In order to feel better I've given up drinking tea and eating sugar (truly!)... it hasn't worked yet, but it may...
Salad for a month?
Would you eat salad greens that were a month old?
Soon you may be able to. And, in a scary twist, you may not be able to tell the difference between the old and fresh.
It's all because of an emerging technology based around something called 'nano-particles'. Nanotechnology will mean that food will be able to absorb chemicals from its packaging, keeping it from spoiling and giving it a longer shelf life.
Apparently, and thankfully, nanotechnology is not legal in Australia, but there is no law that says companies can't use current ingredients of food in a nano-particle form.
Some food technology spokesperson was on the radio this morning, when I heard this story. His comment was, "We don't know what the risks are, if indeed there are any risks..."
No risks? Come on! Food is good for us because it has been living. It is best when it is fresh. If chemicals can alter food, they are going to alter our bodies in some way. It's bad enough that the big chains spray their produce with preservative before putting it out on the shelves. If nanotechnology comes in, you won't find me shopping with the 'Fresh Food' people any more.
The average person eats a heck of a lot of preservatives every day, in every snack and in every meal. I wonder... do our bodies actually rot when we hit the grave, or have we discovered a new form of embalming?
Give me real food, not chemicals.
Soon you may be able to. And, in a scary twist, you may not be able to tell the difference between the old and fresh.
It's all because of an emerging technology based around something called 'nano-particles'. Nanotechnology will mean that food will be able to absorb chemicals from its packaging, keeping it from spoiling and giving it a longer shelf life.
Apparently, and thankfully, nanotechnology is not legal in Australia, but there is no law that says companies can't use current ingredients of food in a nano-particle form.
Some food technology spokesperson was on the radio this morning, when I heard this story. His comment was, "We don't know what the risks are, if indeed there are any risks..."
No risks? Come on! Food is good for us because it has been living. It is best when it is fresh. If chemicals can alter food, they are going to alter our bodies in some way. It's bad enough that the big chains spray their produce with preservative before putting it out on the shelves. If nanotechnology comes in, you won't find me shopping with the 'Fresh Food' people any more.
The average person eats a heck of a lot of preservatives every day, in every snack and in every meal. I wonder... do our bodies actually rot when we hit the grave, or have we discovered a new form of embalming?
Give me real food, not chemicals.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Things I....
I've been unwell and tired for more than a week, plus having sick kiddies. Not fun. Here are some thoughts I've had swirling for a while.
Things I've learned from...
... my husband
play my own game, tell the truth, have fun.
... my dad
have a broader perspective, challenge myself, give it a go.
.... my mum
loyalty, persistence, take the harder option, serving others.
... my big brother
honesty, cheerfulness, have a sense of humour.
... my little brother
stick to the long-term goal, pack light.
... my sister in law
be thankful for good pregnancies, love requires sacrifice, take the drugs.
.... my pop (and nan)
enjoy what you have and be generous with it, don't be so uptight in car parks.
... my aunty
relax, it'll be fine, be even-tempered
... my cousins
Look fabulous while you do all of the above!
Things I've learned from...
... my husband
play my own game, tell the truth, have fun.
... my dad
have a broader perspective, challenge myself, give it a go.
.... my mum
loyalty, persistence, take the harder option, serving others.
... my big brother
honesty, cheerfulness, have a sense of humour.
... my little brother
stick to the long-term goal, pack light.
... my sister in law
be thankful for good pregnancies, love requires sacrifice, take the drugs.
.... my pop (and nan)
enjoy what you have and be generous with it, don't be so uptight in car parks.
... my aunty
relax, it'll be fine, be even-tempered
... my cousins
Look fabulous while you do all of the above!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
How to describe a tummy ache at the age of eight
I try not to mention my children too much on this blog, but I have to share my daughter's latest articulation. She's eight, and she has trouble getting to sleep quite often, with a sore tummy.
Last night she said, "My tummy feels trembly and quite uneasy and I seem to have a terrified, shocked feeling all through my body."
I think she's going to be a writer...
Last night she said, "My tummy feels trembly and quite uneasy and I seem to have a terrified, shocked feeling all through my body."
I think she's going to be a writer...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Small talk and the social space
So now that we’ve seen how important small talk is for good social relationships, here’s an example of how not to do it.
My family had a holiday travelling around England for a month when I was 16. One Sunday we decided to visit the local Anglican church for their morning service. It was a cute little church, with a tiny congregation. Our family of five doubled the numbers and tripled the volume of the singing.
Afterwards, everyone stood politely outside on the grass together.
Now if I was in a congregation of less than five people, I would be keen to find out just who this family of visitors was. Where had they come from? Were they going to stay? Would they like to come to lunch?
One or two of the parishioners talked to my parents. This was their conversation:
Parishioner: “It’s a beautiful day today. Glad to see the sun’s out again.”
Dad (in an obvious Australian accent): “Yes, we’ve been enjoying the weather since we’ve been here. You have a beautiful church here.”
Parishioner: “Mmm yes. We had a lot of rain last week.”
Dad: “Oh really? We hadn’t arrived here then. There was no rain where we were.”
Parishioner: “Well, this time of year is always unpredictable. Pause. Have a pleasant day.”
No-one asked my parents one single question about themselves. They simply were not interested. They used small talk to be polite and to fulfil their obligations, but their purpose was to avoid our family and keep us out.
Used properly, small talk is absolutely essential to relating in the social space, but there are ways to misuse it. Some people are experts at chatting in a way that looks polite and appears gracious, but in fact they are not giving anything of their real selves away.
Small talk, used badly, can be selfish, cold, manipulative or defiant.
My family had a holiday travelling around England for a month when I was 16. One Sunday we decided to visit the local Anglican church for their morning service. It was a cute little church, with a tiny congregation. Our family of five doubled the numbers and tripled the volume of the singing.
Afterwards, everyone stood politely outside on the grass together.
Now if I was in a congregation of less than five people, I would be keen to find out just who this family of visitors was. Where had they come from? Were they going to stay? Would they like to come to lunch?
One or two of the parishioners talked to my parents. This was their conversation:
Parishioner: “It’s a beautiful day today. Glad to see the sun’s out again.”
Dad (in an obvious Australian accent): “Yes, we’ve been enjoying the weather since we’ve been here. You have a beautiful church here.”
Parishioner: “Mmm yes. We had a lot of rain last week.”
Dad: “Oh really? We hadn’t arrived here then. There was no rain where we were.”
Parishioner: “Well, this time of year is always unpredictable. Pause. Have a pleasant day.”
No-one asked my parents one single question about themselves. They simply were not interested. They used small talk to be polite and to fulfil their obligations, but their purpose was to avoid our family and keep us out.
Used properly, small talk is absolutely essential to relating in the social space, but there are ways to misuse it. Some people are experts at chatting in a way that looks polite and appears gracious, but in fact they are not giving anything of their real selves away.
Small talk, used badly, can be selfish, cold, manipulative or defiant.
Social space and small talk
I have often heard Christians say that they feel frustrated with their church congregations because as people mingle after services there are not many ‘deep’ conversations going on. They feel annoyed that most conversations are about ‘surface’ things.
I wonder what it is that they want exactly. Would they put any conversation about God, the Christian life, faith, or even the sermon into the ‘deep’ basket?
If we can understand the value of small talk and social space relationships, however, we will be less frustrated. Small talk builds relationships.
Christians need to relate in the social space and build relationships this way, even at church, no less than other people. Perhaps what’s needed is to start to bring God into our small talk in a comfortable way?
I wonder what it is that they want exactly. Would they put any conversation about God, the Christian life, faith, or even the sermon into the ‘deep’ basket?
If we can understand the value of small talk and social space relationships, however, we will be less frustrated. Small talk builds relationships.
Christians need to relate in the social space and build relationships this way, even at church, no less than other people. Perhaps what’s needed is to start to bring God into our small talk in a comfortable way?
Life according to Brad... not! III
More from my friendship book about relating in the social space...
In the days before chat rooms, blogs and internet friendships, having a ‘pen-pal’ was the way you got to know people from other places.
In seventh grade, when I was learning French, I had a pen-pal from France, who was learning English. One of the very first things we did was exchange photographs of ourselves. Having a picture of each other in our heads was an important part of getting to know each other.
Imagine that you are one of those instant polaroid cameras. Every time you have a interaction in the social space, it is as if you are spitting out a snapshot of yourself to give to the person you’re talking to. Your small talk is the picture you give out of yourself.
From the pictures you give out, and the pictures that are given to you, you are able to decide if these are people you want to get to know better.
Do you have something in common with them? Do you have a similar sense of humour? Do you find them interesting? Is there a natural connection? Could you safely share more of yourself with them, and begin to talk about the things that are important to you?
In the days before chat rooms, blogs and internet friendships, having a ‘pen-pal’ was the way you got to know people from other places.
In seventh grade, when I was learning French, I had a pen-pal from France, who was learning English. One of the very first things we did was exchange photographs of ourselves. Having a picture of each other in our heads was an important part of getting to know each other.
Imagine that you are one of those instant polaroid cameras. Every time you have a interaction in the social space, it is as if you are spitting out a snapshot of yourself to give to the person you’re talking to. Your small talk is the picture you give out of yourself.
From the pictures you give out, and the pictures that are given to you, you are able to decide if these are people you want to get to know better.
Do you have something in common with them? Do you have a similar sense of humour? Do you find them interesting? Is there a natural connection? Could you safely share more of yourself with them, and begin to talk about the things that are important to you?
Life according to Brad... not! II
This is a continuation of the last post, about relating in the social space.
What are the ‘important things’ anyway?
Brad liked discussing philosophy, theology, politics, history and of course his bike trip. He put a high value on ideas, facts, theories and the things he had done. He dismissed topics of conversation like clothes, food, weather, sport, children or birthday presents. To him they had no value, or even a negative value.
But food, clothes, weather, children, parties and sport are all given to us by God. To treat them as worthless and pointless is devaluing the life that God has given us. So no, small talk is not worthless, for the reason that all parts of life are important.
In some situations, Brad’s attitude of “Skip the small talk, get to the point” may be a reasonable thing to say. But it is only if getting information or a doing a task what counts at the time, and if you are with people who are doing the same task and have the same attitude.
Police TV dramas typically show terse police officers focusing intently on solving their case. Their conversations are short and to the point because they are all involved in their task.
The fact is, however, that in the real world, there would definitely be some hurt feelings if we spoke like this to each other all the time – even when we’re at work. People are emotionally involved with each other. We could be at work, in the bank, in the library... anywhere.
If it’s a social space, the appropriate way we establish, maintain, monitor relationships is through talking, and especially through using small talk.
What are the ‘important things’ anyway?
Brad liked discussing philosophy, theology, politics, history and of course his bike trip. He put a high value on ideas, facts, theories and the things he had done. He dismissed topics of conversation like clothes, food, weather, sport, children or birthday presents. To him they had no value, or even a negative value.
But food, clothes, weather, children, parties and sport are all given to us by God. To treat them as worthless and pointless is devaluing the life that God has given us. So no, small talk is not worthless, for the reason that all parts of life are important.
In some situations, Brad’s attitude of “Skip the small talk, get to the point” may be a reasonable thing to say. But it is only if getting information or a doing a task what counts at the time, and if you are with people who are doing the same task and have the same attitude.
Police TV dramas typically show terse police officers focusing intently on solving their case. Their conversations are short and to the point because they are all involved in their task.
The fact is, however, that in the real world, there would definitely be some hurt feelings if we spoke like this to each other all the time – even when we’re at work. People are emotionally involved with each other. We could be at work, in the bank, in the library... anywhere.
If it’s a social space, the appropriate way we establish, maintain, monitor relationships is through talking, and especially through using small talk.
Life according to Brad... not!
This is from the next chapter of my book on friendship. I'm talking about how we relate in the social space.
Going to a small boarding school in the Himalayan mountains of Pakistan, our circle of friends was fairly small. We didn’t get to meet too many new people.
But Pakistan attracts people who like adventure. A young Christian couple who were cycling around the world passed through our area one year. They dropped in and spent a few days hanging out with the staff and high school students.
I remember Liz as pleasant, friendly and interested in everyone. But Brad, her husband, was a different story. He remained in the corner of the room, either talking earnestly with a small group around him or silently watching everyone else. To my young eyes he appeared aloof, arrogant, distant and unfriendly.
What was the difference between them? Liz said, “Oh, Brad doesn’t like small talk. He only likes to talk about important things.”
She said it with such pride and delight that I was thoroughly impressed.
Brad was clearly a person who had thought his life through. He obviously had it all together and was a serious Christian. All the rest of us who continued to enjoy talking about such things as makeup or sport were clearly not as mature as Brad.
Was Brad right? Is small talk worthless? Are conversations that centre around things like the weather, health, sports results or food trivial and pointless? Should we forget them and just talk about the ‘important things’?
Going to a small boarding school in the Himalayan mountains of Pakistan, our circle of friends was fairly small. We didn’t get to meet too many new people.
But Pakistan attracts people who like adventure. A young Christian couple who were cycling around the world passed through our area one year. They dropped in and spent a few days hanging out with the staff and high school students.
I remember Liz as pleasant, friendly and interested in everyone. But Brad, her husband, was a different story. He remained in the corner of the room, either talking earnestly with a small group around him or silently watching everyone else. To my young eyes he appeared aloof, arrogant, distant and unfriendly.
What was the difference between them? Liz said, “Oh, Brad doesn’t like small talk. He only likes to talk about important things.”
She said it with such pride and delight that I was thoroughly impressed.
Brad was clearly a person who had thought his life through. He obviously had it all together and was a serious Christian. All the rest of us who continued to enjoy talking about such things as makeup or sport were clearly not as mature as Brad.
Was Brad right? Is small talk worthless? Are conversations that centre around things like the weather, health, sports results or food trivial and pointless? Should we forget them and just talk about the ‘important things’?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Clap your hands!
More from Becky Bailey's child-rearing wisdom:
Principle: Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.
My middle child has a tendency to push his little brother around. I have told him not to do it until I am blue in the face and it has not had one iota of an effect.
Bailey would say I am focusing on what I don't want to happen - ie. the pushing. Her solution would be to say to him what I actually do want to happen.
So instead of: "Don't push him!" I have been saying: "When you push your brother he feels sad. You need to keep your hands next to your own body."
It has changed things for the better. And in the car it works a treat. We did a lot of "hands on your head", "Let's clap our hands together" and "You can touch your nose" on our hour-long trip to Sydney yesterday.
If you think about it, it makes sense from a lot of angles, but especially because the positive instructions are the last words that are implanted in their head. Instead of keeping an echo of "...push him" in their ears, they remember "...clap hands".
Principle: Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.
My middle child has a tendency to push his little brother around. I have told him not to do it until I am blue in the face and it has not had one iota of an effect.
Bailey would say I am focusing on what I don't want to happen - ie. the pushing. Her solution would be to say to him what I actually do want to happen.
So instead of: "Don't push him!" I have been saying: "When you push your brother he feels sad. You need to keep your hands next to your own body."
It has changed things for the better. And in the car it works a treat. We did a lot of "hands on your head", "Let's clap our hands together" and "You can touch your nose" on our hour-long trip to Sydney yesterday.
If you think about it, it makes sense from a lot of angles, but especially because the positive instructions are the last words that are implanted in their head. Instead of keeping an echo of "...push him" in their ears, they remember "...clap hands".
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Praise - discouraging?
Becky Bailey in Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, believes that all encouragement is not necessarily helpful.
The forms of praise that she says can be discouraging are:
Too much general, all-encompassing praise. This can unduly burden your child and pressure her to live up to unrealistic standards. Eg. "You are always so sweet and helpful."
Too much praise that relies on value judgments, so that 'good' equals pleasing others and 'bad' equals not pleasing others. Children who make honest mistakes may believe they are 'bad' and become perfectionists. They also may grow up to be very hard on others.
Praise that focuses on what you think about the child's behaviour. He may conclude that he is only lovable when he pleases his parents or teachers.
Only praising for accomplishments. Children need to learn that the process of putting away toys (for example) counts just as much as the product of a clean toy room in the end.
Praising by comparing to others teaches her that in order to be valuable you must be special. Such statements say, "I only want the best" and promote competition over unity.
So what else is there? These are the ways I praise my children all the time. I don't know any other ways to do it!
Bailey offers two ways to encourage our children so as to promote a healthy sense of belonging.
1. Notice your children rather than judging them. Children want and need to be seen. Just giving them your attention is encouraging in itself. Feeding back to them what they are doing strengthens their frontal lobes and promotes language development and a sense of self.
Basically, parents should be like a polaroid camera for their children. If my daughter has just mastered a cartwheel and wants to show me, I can go and look at it. Then, instead of saying, "Well done, how clever you are", I can take a virtual snapshot and give it back to her like this: "You put your hands down in a perfectly straight line and your feet went right over your head. You look just like a wheel. You have worked so steadily on this for a long time, no wonder you can do it perfectly now."
Children ask to be seen, not judged. If we replace seeing with judging too often, the excited four year old who shouts "Watch this" becomes an anxious eight year old who asks, "Did I do this right?"
2. The second way to encourage your child comes from linking her actions to enjoyment and satisfaction rather than tangible rewards.
When we rely on material rewards, we teach children to value things more than relationships. Studies have shown that rewards decrease the quality of a child's performance, although it may increase the quantity. If a child will get a prize for reading 20 books, he may choose the 20 shortest books to rush through, rather than enjoying 20 books each for its own sake.
Punishments teach children to fear adults and rewards teach them to please adults. People pleasing may make 'nice' children, but it may lead to succumbing to peer group pressure in the teenage years.
The forms of praise that she says can be discouraging are:
Too much general, all-encompassing praise. This can unduly burden your child and pressure her to live up to unrealistic standards. Eg. "You are always so sweet and helpful."
Too much praise that relies on value judgments, so that 'good' equals pleasing others and 'bad' equals not pleasing others. Children who make honest mistakes may believe they are 'bad' and become perfectionists. They also may grow up to be very hard on others.
Praise that focuses on what you think about the child's behaviour. He may conclude that he is only lovable when he pleases his parents or teachers.
Only praising for accomplishments. Children need to learn that the process of putting away toys (for example) counts just as much as the product of a clean toy room in the end.
Praising by comparing to others teaches her that in order to be valuable you must be special. Such statements say, "I only want the best" and promote competition over unity.
So what else is there? These are the ways I praise my children all the time. I don't know any other ways to do it!
Bailey offers two ways to encourage our children so as to promote a healthy sense of belonging.
1. Notice your children rather than judging them. Children want and need to be seen. Just giving them your attention is encouraging in itself. Feeding back to them what they are doing strengthens their frontal lobes and promotes language development and a sense of self.
Basically, parents should be like a polaroid camera for their children. If my daughter has just mastered a cartwheel and wants to show me, I can go and look at it. Then, instead of saying, "Well done, how clever you are", I can take a virtual snapshot and give it back to her like this: "You put your hands down in a perfectly straight line and your feet went right over your head. You look just like a wheel. You have worked so steadily on this for a long time, no wonder you can do it perfectly now."
Children ask to be seen, not judged. If we replace seeing with judging too often, the excited four year old who shouts "Watch this" becomes an anxious eight year old who asks, "Did I do this right?"
2. The second way to encourage your child comes from linking her actions to enjoyment and satisfaction rather than tangible rewards.
When we rely on material rewards, we teach children to value things more than relationships. Studies have shown that rewards decrease the quality of a child's performance, although it may increase the quantity. If a child will get a prize for reading 20 books, he may choose the 20 shortest books to rush through, rather than enjoying 20 books each for its own sake.
Punishments teach children to fear adults and rewards teach them to please adults. People pleasing may make 'nice' children, but it may lead to succumbing to peer group pressure in the teenage years.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Encouragement
I'm being challenged by the book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey so I want to share my findings. Of course, it also means I don't have to have any original thoughts for my blog...
A 1997 study found that on average a child heard 432 negative comments daily, compared with 32 positive ones.
Becky Bailey* says that the way we speak to ourselves will be the way we speak to our children. Do we focus on our strengths or our weaknesses? Do we think about what we are doing, or what we should be doing? Do we accept ourselves or always want to change something?
"If you routinely discourage yourself, you will unconsciously discourage your children," says Bailey.
An encouraging home has neurological benefits for children's developing brains. But discouraging homes shape brains that are prone to depression, violents, addictions and impulsivity.
We need to be more encouraging and praising of our children. And ourselves. We need to use more positive language in general.
But... watch out. All praise and encouragement is not created equal. More about that tomorrow!
*in Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline
A 1997 study found that on average a child heard 432 negative comments daily, compared with 32 positive ones.
Becky Bailey* says that the way we speak to ourselves will be the way we speak to our children. Do we focus on our strengths or our weaknesses? Do we think about what we are doing, or what we should be doing? Do we accept ourselves or always want to change something?
"If you routinely discourage yourself, you will unconsciously discourage your children," says Bailey.
An encouraging home has neurological benefits for children's developing brains. But discouraging homes shape brains that are prone to depression, violents, addictions and impulsivity.
We need to be more encouraging and praising of our children. And ourselves. We need to use more positive language in general.
But... watch out. All praise and encouragement is not created equal. More about that tomorrow!
*in Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline
Sunday, November 04, 2007
A Twist on the Golden Rule
Here's a story from a book I've been reading this week. I've reviewed Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline in my book blog. Follow the link on the right.
A woman walked three days across India to see Mahatma Ghandi and ask for his advice. When she gained an audience with the old man, she told him her problem.
"I can't get my son to eat healthy food. He will only eat sugar. What can I do?"
Ghandi pondered and then replied that she would have to go home and return next week for the answer.
The woman walked home the three days, and then set out again the next week to see the Mahatma again.
When she reached him, he remembered her and had an answer ready. Turning to her son, he said firmly, "Don't eat sugar."
The mother was a little puzzled. "Why did I have to go home and return for that answer? Surely you could have told me the same thing last week? I've walked for nine days to hear this."
"No," said Ghandi. "You had to come back this week because it took me a week to stop eating sugar myself. I can't tell someone to do something that I myself will not do."
Food for thought. How many times do we tell our children, or others to do things that we either are not capable of, or not willing to do ourselves?
A woman walked three days across India to see Mahatma Ghandi and ask for his advice. When she gained an audience with the old man, she told him her problem.
"I can't get my son to eat healthy food. He will only eat sugar. What can I do?"
Ghandi pondered and then replied that she would have to go home and return next week for the answer.
The woman walked home the three days, and then set out again the next week to see the Mahatma again.
When she reached him, he remembered her and had an answer ready. Turning to her son, he said firmly, "Don't eat sugar."
The mother was a little puzzled. "Why did I have to go home and return for that answer? Surely you could have told me the same thing last week? I've walked for nine days to hear this."
"No," said Ghandi. "You had to come back this week because it took me a week to stop eating sugar myself. I can't tell someone to do something that I myself will not do."
Food for thought. How many times do we tell our children, or others to do things that we either are not capable of, or not willing to do ourselves?
Friday, November 02, 2007
Growth or death
I've been thinking of my life as boxes to be filled. Every time I 'achieve' something, that's a box packed neatly and put away. (I prefer to pack big boxes rather than little ones, but sometimes I'll take whatever I can get.)
This way of thinking leads to a great deal of frustration however. For example, the housework box gets 80% packed every day, but then someone comes and tips it all out again. I seem to spend my hours packing and repacking the same box. No wonder I feel mad.
I think I've had the wrong picture in my head. Life is not about 'achievement' or filling a box. Putting such arbitrary boundaries around things is not a sane way to view them. There is never a beginning or an end to a story.
Now I'm thinking of my life as a circular journey. I'm on my way somewhere and every part of what I encounter is useful to the journey.
So I might not be able to 'fill my big box' of writing a book right now because I'm too busy living with small children. But I'm learning how it feels to be under pressure. I'm learning how depression can feel and what it means for relationships. And all of these learnings will be great material one day when I write it all down! (Anyway, once I write that book, there'll be another one too... another frustration of the box picture.)
It's freeing to be clearing out my boxes. I've decided life is either growth or death. I'd rather grow.
This way of thinking leads to a great deal of frustration however. For example, the housework box gets 80% packed every day, but then someone comes and tips it all out again. I seem to spend my hours packing and repacking the same box. No wonder I feel mad.
I think I've had the wrong picture in my head. Life is not about 'achievement' or filling a box. Putting such arbitrary boundaries around things is not a sane way to view them. There is never a beginning or an end to a story.
Now I'm thinking of my life as a circular journey. I'm on my way somewhere and every part of what I encounter is useful to the journey.
So I might not be able to 'fill my big box' of writing a book right now because I'm too busy living with small children. But I'm learning how it feels to be under pressure. I'm learning how depression can feel and what it means for relationships. And all of these learnings will be great material one day when I write it all down! (Anyway, once I write that book, there'll be another one too... another frustration of the box picture.)
It's freeing to be clearing out my boxes. I've decided life is either growth or death. I'd rather grow.
Answers
I've been enjoying reading the book of James for the last few days. It's had some answers for a few of my anxiety problems.
*******
The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
James 1:9-11
I've been thinking about how to accept my little autistic son as he struggles through life without the ability to read social nuances that most people have. At the same time I've been concerned that I'm not getting to do my 'projects', which seem all important in my mind. This passage puts both those problems together and turns worldly wisdom on its head.
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Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?
James 2:5
'Poor in the eyes of the world' can take many forms. In the end, it's not about how well my son can work a room, but how much faith he has in God.
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Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
James 4:13-17
This is so me. I have all these big plans that seem so important. But the older I get, the more I realise I just don't know what's going to happen next. Putting myself in the same category as 'mist' is a little deflating if I see myself as all important. But if I see my life as God-given, God-supported and God-directed, that's a whole lot better. The last verse stands out too. I do know the good I ought to do right now and that's to be the very best parent with God's grace I can be right now. So that will keep me going today.
*******
The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
James 1:9-11
I've been thinking about how to accept my little autistic son as he struggles through life without the ability to read social nuances that most people have. At the same time I've been concerned that I'm not getting to do my 'projects', which seem all important in my mind. This passage puts both those problems together and turns worldly wisdom on its head.
*********
Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?
James 2:5
'Poor in the eyes of the world' can take many forms. In the end, it's not about how well my son can work a room, but how much faith he has in God.
********
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
James 4:13-17
This is so me. I have all these big plans that seem so important. But the older I get, the more I realise I just don't know what's going to happen next. Putting myself in the same category as 'mist' is a little deflating if I see myself as all important. But if I see my life as God-given, God-supported and God-directed, that's a whole lot better. The last verse stands out too. I do know the good I ought to do right now and that's to be the very best parent with God's grace I can be right now. So that will keep me going today.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Books
There's a link to the right to a new site where I'll be reviewing books I'm reading. First one is a novel by Maggie O'Farrell - check it out.
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