Glad I did...
- change my life around to enjoy having the children at home and to pursue a gentler, more present way of being with them.
- investigate healing and prayer and miracles.
- Learn how to knit well, even though it brought me three months of RSI and shoulder pain.
Glad I didn't...
- give up on God when my prayers appeared to be unanswered and unheard.
- give up on finishing my manuscript despite the RSI. Voice-activated technology is amazing, if at times amusing.
Wish I had...
- started leading my bible study earlier in the year. It was such a great boost to me in the last two terms.
- loved my husband, children, mother, father, brothers and friends with more warmth, patience and understanding.
- sent more emails to my brother and his family overseas.
Wish I hadn't...
- eaten so much chocolate fudge, chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate... are you feeling a theme here?
- not known what to say to people so often. (Sorry - double negatives are a no-no... geddit?)
Hope I will...
- stick to my inspiration to stay away from the chocolate and fit into my clothes again.
- get some books published.
- take my own advice more frequently.
- really focus on RDI therapy for Bright Eyes
Hope I won't...
- suffer because of my own actions.
- cause harm to others
- put my foot in my mouth too often
- lose my keys or wallet.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Quotes to ponder
I mentioned Naomi Aldort's book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves a few posts back. Here are a few quotes from the first chapter that have made me think about the way I love my children.
Blogger has a new feature called reactions. You can see a choice of a few reactions at the bottom of this post. You might like to tick your preferred reaction... or feel free to leave a comment.
"Control is ineffective because humans resist it by their very nature. Whether it is gentle coercion or covert manipulation, the very control we use causes the problems we are trying to solve. Most parents already know how to control children gently. What we don't know is how NOT to control them and live in peace and joy with them."
"Such love is unconditional - loving your child, not your idea of how he should be. Love is only love when there are no conditions. The moment love is used as a reward for behaviour or achievement, it ceases to be love and instead becomes a lesson in give and take. ...Loving unconditionally is its own reward."
"Parenting is much simpler when we realise that children come here already designed to bloom in their own unique ways. In this book you will find great relief from the impossible duty of shaping humans. God doesn't goof: it is not your job to turn an infant into an adult human over twenty years. It is your responsibility and privilege to care and nurture a human being while she grows."
Blogger has a new feature called reactions. You can see a choice of a few reactions at the bottom of this post. You might like to tick your preferred reaction... or feel free to leave a comment.
"Control is ineffective because humans resist it by their very nature. Whether it is gentle coercion or covert manipulation, the very control we use causes the problems we are trying to solve. Most parents already know how to control children gently. What we don't know is how NOT to control them and live in peace and joy with them."
"Such love is unconditional - loving your child, not your idea of how he should be. Love is only love when there are no conditions. The moment love is used as a reward for behaviour or achievement, it ceases to be love and instead becomes a lesson in give and take. ...Loving unconditionally is its own reward."
"Parenting is much simpler when we realise that children come here already designed to bloom in their own unique ways. In this book you will find great relief from the impossible duty of shaping humans. God doesn't goof: it is not your job to turn an infant into an adult human over twenty years. It is your responsibility and privilege to care and nurture a human being while she grows."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
On parenting and education
Here are some lovely (and perhaps controversial?) pieces of advice from an 'unschooling' email list I belong to.
Give your love generously and criticism sparingly. Be your children's partner. Support them and respect them. Never belittle them or their interests, no matter how superficial, unimportant, or even misguided their interests may seem to you. Be a guide, not a dictator. Shine a light ahead for them, and lend them a hand, but don't drag or push them. You WILL sometimes despair when your vision of what your child ought to be bangs up against the reality that they are their own person. But that same reality can also give you great joy if you learn not to cling to your own preconceived notions and expectations.
Don't worry about how fast or slow they are learning. Don't test them to see if they are "up to speed." If you nurture them in a supportive environment, your children will grow and learn at their own speed, and you can trust in that process. They are like seeds planted in good earth, watered and fertilized. You don't keep digging up the seeds to see if the roots are growing—that disrupts the natural growing process. Trust your children in the same way you trust seeds to sprout and seedlings to develop into strong and healthy plants.
Think about what is REALLY important and keep that always in the forefront of your interactions with your children. What values do you hope to pass on to them? You can't "pass on" something you don't exemplify yourself. Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible. Think of how you look to them, from their perspective. Do you order them around? Is that respectful? Do you say, "I'll be just a minute" and then take 20 more minutes talking to a friend while the children wait? Focus more on your own behavior than on theirs. It'll pay off bigger.
Give your love generously and criticism sparingly. Be your children's partner. Support them and respect them. Never belittle them or their interests, no matter how superficial, unimportant, or even misguided their interests may seem to you. Be a guide, not a dictator. Shine a light ahead for them, and lend them a hand, but don't drag or push them. You WILL sometimes despair when your vision of what your child ought to be bangs up against the reality that they are their own person. But that same reality can also give you great joy if you learn not to cling to your own preconceived notions and expectations.
Don't worry about how fast or slow they are learning. Don't test them to see if they are "up to speed." If you nurture them in a supportive environment, your children will grow and learn at their own speed, and you can trust in that process. They are like seeds planted in good earth, watered and fertilized. You don't keep digging up the seeds to see if the roots are growing—that disrupts the natural growing process. Trust your children in the same way you trust seeds to sprout and seedlings to develop into strong and healthy plants.
Think about what is REALLY important and keep that always in the forefront of your interactions with your children. What values do you hope to pass on to them? You can't "pass on" something you don't exemplify yourself. Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible. Think of how you look to them, from their perspective. Do you order them around? Is that respectful? Do you say, "I'll be just a minute" and then take 20 more minutes talking to a friend while the children wait? Focus more on your own behavior than on theirs. It'll pay off bigger.
Growing Souls - Mark Yaconelli
This was my husband's most recent purchase with a book voucher he received for Christmas.
I read it, hungrily, in one day because it talks about the sort of faith-practice-experience I feel like I've been missing for a while.
Here's a little bit to whet your appetite.
'Christianity is relationship and any counselor worth her salt will tell you every healthy relationship is based in listening. To love someone, to befriend someone, to really know someone, you have to be willing to listen. You have to continually set aside your own agendas, perceptions and evaluations and listen in order to avoid mis-judging or misunderstanding the other.
Listening is difficult. Perhaps that's why most of us continually seek to label, predict and control our relationships because once a relationship becomes predictable, you no longer have to listen. When you no longer listen you can sit back, shut down and shift into automatic pilot.
But when we stop listening, something is truly lost. When we stop listening, the relationship diminishes - until it becomes a chore we attend to rather than a person we are connected to.
...it would be so much easier if God invited us to accomplish a mission statement rather than enter into a relationship. It's deeply unsettling to discover a God who seeks a mutual friendship rather than our subservient service.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Just for fun
There was once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"Hmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YAY!" she exclaimed. "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"Hmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YAY!" she exclaimed. "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Missing Nanna
Coming up to Christmas I am thinking about my nanna who died nearly two years ago. I miss going shopping with her. She always had heaps more energy than me, had to look at everything and then paid for lunch!
Here's a little excerpt from a letter written to my pop from a friend after she died. It's an example of the sort of ministry she had, and which I aim to follow.
"I didn't grow up in a Christian family and I think that's one of the reasons Mary specially cared for me she truly was a mother in Christ to me. Every conversation I had with it was a special encouragement and blessing from our Lord. She was always completely interested in me. She always had a smile and an encouraging word, no matter what was going on in her life... Her opinion, her encouragement was so important to me, because I know she knew and loved me and because I knew that she would only say the truth for the glory of God... She made me feel special. She made me feel loved. She pointed me to Christ."
Here's a little excerpt from a letter written to my pop from a friend after she died. It's an example of the sort of ministry she had, and which I aim to follow.
"I didn't grow up in a Christian family and I think that's one of the reasons Mary specially cared for me she truly was a mother in Christ to me. Every conversation I had with it was a special encouragement and blessing from our Lord. She was always completely interested in me. She always had a smile and an encouraging word, no matter what was going on in her life... Her opinion, her encouragement was so important to me, because I know she knew and loved me and because I knew that she would only say the truth for the glory of God... She made me feel special. She made me feel loved. She pointed me to Christ."
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Fudge
250g brown sugar
375g can sweetened condensed milk
100g butter cubed
2 tbps liquid glucose (available in the baking section of the supermarket)
200g dark cooking chocolate finely chopped - best quality you can afford.
Mix everything except the chocolate together in a glass bowl and place in the microwave for 3 minutes. Take it out and stir with a metal spoon. Place in microwave for 2 minutes. Stir again. Repeat until the mixture has been cooked 5 times.
Stir, allow bubbles to go down and the whole thing to cool a bit and then add the chocolate. Mix until melted. Pour the mixture into a slice tin lined with foil or baking paper. Set in the fridge.
I mark cutting lines into it before it goes completely hard.
Then... try not to eat it all at once.
375g can sweetened condensed milk
100g butter cubed
2 tbps liquid glucose (available in the baking section of the supermarket)
200g dark cooking chocolate finely chopped - best quality you can afford.
Mix everything except the chocolate together in a glass bowl and place in the microwave for 3 minutes. Take it out and stir with a metal spoon. Place in microwave for 2 minutes. Stir again. Repeat until the mixture has been cooked 5 times.
Stir, allow bubbles to go down and the whole thing to cool a bit and then add the chocolate. Mix until melted. Pour the mixture into a slice tin lined with foil or baking paper. Set in the fridge.
I mark cutting lines into it before it goes completely hard.
Then... try not to eat it all at once.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Fudge
Ain't this the truth. I've put on a good number of kilos recently.
Especially troublesome have been the little packets of homemade fudge I have been storing in the fridge to give as presents to our local friends.
I can't help eating way more of this stuff than I know is good for me, but it is like velvet for my tastebuds.
Also, tragically, it is extremely easy and quick to make.
If you're interested in the recipe I'll post it soon.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Siblings without rivalry
I finished the Siblings Without Rivalry book. It was a good read and I'd recommend it for families with more than one child.
Some good points the authors made were:
- don't compare your children - ever and especially not in their hearing.
- try not to cast your children in 'roles' (ie. 'she's the clever one, and he's the funny one')
- if your children express anger with their siblings, allow them to have negative feelings and validate them. Let them know that you understand.
- Imagine if your spouse said to you, "We're having so much fun together that I'd like to marry someone else to join our family. You'll love them! You'll be their best friend." Sounds terrible? It might be how children see the arrival of a new sibling.
Some good points the authors made were:
- don't compare your children - ever and especially not in their hearing.
- try not to cast your children in 'roles' (ie. 'she's the clever one, and he's the funny one')
- if your children express anger with their siblings, allow them to have negative feelings and validate them. Let them know that you understand.
- Imagine if your spouse said to you, "We're having so much fun together that I'd like to marry someone else to join our family. You'll love them! You'll be their best friend." Sounds terrible? It might be how children see the arrival of a new sibling.
Really annoying
It occurred to me that for 25 years I have had the same annoyance every single day.
I have very slopy shoulders. It means that things fall off them. So every day, I get annoyed by straps sliding off my shoulders and halfway down my arms.
Is there a solution to this?
I have very slopy shoulders. It means that things fall off them. So every day, I get annoyed by straps sliding off my shoulders and halfway down my arms.
Is there a solution to this?
Friday, December 05, 2008
Salem story
One of my favourite plays is The Crucible by Arthur Miller. It turns on the story of John Proctor, hanged for being a witch in the town of Salem in Puritan New England in the 1700s.
I was extremely interested to pick up the Heretic's Daughter at the library because it tells the same story, but from the point of view of a different character. Martha Carrier was hanged on the same morning as John Proctor and the story is 'told' by her daughter, who was jailed in miserable conditions at the age of 12 for the same offence.
Martha proclaimed her innocence and was hanged because she would not confess to being a witch. Before she was arrested, she told her daughter to lie to save herself. The little girl 'confessed' to witchcraft and told the court that her mother led her into it. What a dilemma for a 12 year old, and what a thing to have to live with!
It's so well-written by first-time author Kathleen Kent that I was positively jealous. If my first novel comes out half as good I'll be very happy.
I do have a question I need to follow up on, however. My husband and many others I know are very keen on 'Puritan theology'. But if Puritanism led to the witch trials, what went wrong? Perhaps I'm putting two things together which are not linked, but it's a shame to use the same description for a very good thing and a very bad thing. Research needed.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Good things
Today I gave my standard 'friendship' talk to a lovely group of ladies up in Beverly Hills. Two cool things: 1) I spoke without notes and 2) without even trying I sold all seven copies of Never Alone that I took with me. It was good fun.
Plus, I met my mum for a shopping trip afterwards. Very nice.
I also managed to buy shirts for my three year old - you know, the one who prefers dresses. He won't wear the 'boys' shirts I have in the cupboard waiting for him. So today I was clever enough to find (truly) a boys' pink toned t-shirt, and two Hawaiian shirts with flowers all over them. And yes, I think he will wear them.
Plus, I met my mum for a shopping trip afterwards. Very nice.
I also managed to buy shirts for my three year old - you know, the one who prefers dresses. He won't wear the 'boys' shirts I have in the cupboard waiting for him. So today I was clever enough to find (truly) a boys' pink toned t-shirt, and two Hawaiian shirts with flowers all over them. And yes, I think he will wear them.
This week
We went to an exhibition of art work that a friend of ours was contributing to. Clearly, Bright Eyes wasn't that happy to be there...
Monday, December 01, 2008
Two new books
I have started to read these books this week.
Aldort's book is challenging, provoking and moving.
It makes me realise just how conditional my love is for my children, and in fact, for everyone else around me too!
I love the cover - the children's eyes are just piercing.
The second book is along the same lines. I've read chapter one so far and am making notes about the kinds of things that really get my kids riled up at each other. We'll see how it goes...
Dress-ups
After watching the Edwardian House, my daughter spent the next two days parading around in her best period costume and hair-do (all raided from my cupboard of course) pretending that the rest of us were her 'staff'.
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