Vegie garden update II

I was nearly about to pull out the cauliflower plants because I thought the flourishing leaves were just wasting the nutrients in the soil, but I just decided to check one more time before I did....

Just as well, because I have two cauliflowers growing!

He he he. I'm a vegie gardener...

Hospitality

Our week in Sydney was a very useful and worthwhile occasion. (See here for what it was all about.)

It was made positively enjoyable, however, by the gracious, generous and kind hospitality shown to us by the friends we stayed with.

They cleared out the top half of their house for us, bought funny food, and gave up their very relaxing harbour views for a few days so that we could be comfortable.

It was an easy house to be in with three children, and they were easy to be with.

Thanks, and love!

Gingerbread mania

Our daughter's birthday party was very successful. I judge success in the following ways.

- I had everything done before the party started.
- Children (and some parents) came.
- They ate and drank happily, with no cordial and only marshmallows as lollies on the table. Yes, there was other food...
- They made and decorated their cookies with enthusiasm and enjoyed the games.
- They went home.
- The house got cleaned up and I sat and watched a video for the rest of the evening.
- My daughter beamed the entire day.

One of our activities was making, baking and decorating gingerbread cookies. My sister-in-law, who is American, wanted to know the logic behind calling these 'cookies' when we call every other type of sugary/wheaty snack 'biscuits'. (I think it is to do with the idea of it being home-made, but my mother pointed to the ongoing Americanization of our language...) Sister-in-law has recently become an Australian citizen, but is yet to master the finer points of culture.

Today some parents of the party-goers complimented me on the taste of the cookies. They must have pinched them out of the children's bags when they were asleep. For the record, here's the recipe:

115g/4oz unsalted butter, softened
115/4oz brown sugar
1 egg, beaten
115/4oz golden syrup
400g/14oz self-raising flour
5ml/1 tsp ground ginger
2.5ml/1/2 tsp cinnamon
1.5ml/1/4 tsp chilli powder*

Cream butter and sugar. Beat in the egg and golden syrup. Soft in dry ingredients. Gradually mix to make a stiff paste. Turn out onto a board and knead gently until smooth. Wrap and chill for 30 minutes. Then bake at 180C for 10-15 mins until golden brown.


We're away for four days. See you all soon!


*The secret ingredient is the chilli. It adds a beautiful little bite to the ginger.

Today

Doing
Making huge amounts of gingerbread in preparation for the daughter's eighth birthday party tomorrow. It's a themed 'gingerbread party'.

Reading
Switching between three books as usual. (1) Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon - a cookbook based on a completely different philosophy to the usual low-fat-is-healthy beliefs. (2) Can't remember the title, but it has lots of accounts of people who suffered abuse (physical, emotional or sexual) as children, how it affected them and how they have gotten over it. (3) The White Masai by Corinne somebody. She fell in love with a Masaai warrior when on holidays in Kenya and turned her life upside down to be with him and get married. Too bad it didn't work out...

Thinking
About birthday parties. Trying to work out what is causing Bright Eyes' latest tantrums. About maybe changing his diet to a very strict one called the 'Specific Carbohydrate Diet'. Wishing I had a housekeeper.

Watching
My brother and sister in law's DVD on their preparation to be missionaries in South Asia. It was very good and made me teary.

While Daddy's away, the kids will play...

... nicely, hopefully. Or not.

Daddy was away this week for three days. In that time, each of the three children got sick, one on each day.

We also had our daughter's eighth birthday, which unfortunately Daddy missed. It was shaping up to be a good day, except for Daddy not being there, when she gave me a hug and turned her head wrongly and cricked her neck and ended up having to stay home from school all day in pain!

She was understandably very disappointed and a bit sooky, so with her moping around and Campbell recovering from a temperature and James getting into everything, it was a bit of a long day.

It wasn't as bad as it might have been though. She said two wonderful things to me at lunch time.

The first: "Mum, you know, I'm glad I had this sore neck. I really understand how Jesus felt on the cross when he died for us."

The second, on watching me prepare lunch, wipe up messes, deal with tantrums and fights and everybody's noise and demands: "Mum, I feel really sorry for you. You work soooo hard. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Vegie garden update

I planted the vegetable garden about three months ago. Here are the ratings.

Poor: cabbage/cauli/broccoli variety seedlings. I have lots and lots of leaves and absolutely no cabbage, cauli or broccoli. Perhaps I should eat the leaves in stir-fry?

Medium: cos lettuce and baby spinach leaves. Obviously need more water than I give them as they are a bit tough.

Still alive: chives and strawberries. Good for the strawberries - they'll last until the warmer weather, but I'll pull out the chives because I haven't eaten any.

Raging and rampant success: coriander! I have never ever before succeeded with coriander and this time I have a bushy plant that just doesn't die! I look forward to my weekly Sunday night omelette with tomato, cheese and coriander very much!

Refiner of silver

I read this in a newsletter this week and found it tremendously encouraging.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Domestic violence series VI final!

Alright, I've been on depressing topics long enough. Here's the last word about domestic violence, quoting from Tracy's article.


Domestic violence is an astoundingly complex problem which defies quick, simple solutions.


Abusers have deep-seated wounds and pathologies that have existed for many years, as do battered wives.


The dynamics of abusive families are complex and well-hidden, making it very difficult for outsiders to know the truth, let alone offer a wise response.


Hence, working with violent families calls for a partnership with various agencies, wise leaders and professionals. A major part of the action step is to help victims and perpetrators of domestic violence in getting professional counselling.

Domestic violence series V

Should an abused wife or family member leave? The answer from this article (see previous post for details) is a very strong yes. I've heard it from other counsellors as well. How can healing take place if the abuse is continuing? It must be a terribly hard thing to do though. A lot of support and love and trust would be needed.



While an abused woman with no children has strong biblical warrant to flee an abusive husband, she has additional warrant (even a mandate) to do so if she has children. Jesus pronounced the most severe judgments on those who cause one of the little ones (children) to stumble (Matt 18:1-10).


Abusive husbands cause tremendous long-term physical, emotional and spiritual damage to children, even if they only physically abuse the mother. (And roughly half of men who physically abuse their wives also abuse their children.)


When young children merely witness domestic violence, the trauma exposure creates long term physiological changes, including permanent structural alteration and damage to the brain.


Additionally, we know that girls who grow up in physically abusive homes are several times more likely to be physically and sexually victimised in adulthood due to the emotional damage of childhood abuse (even simply witnessing it).


All of this shows that growing up in a physically abusive home, whether or not one is actually beaten, is extremely damaging and certainly ‘causes little ones to stumble’.


Separation from an abusive husband is ethically important for the well-being of the woman because domestic violence creates serious physical, emotional and spiritual damage. And Scripture does not commend enduring avoidable suffering.


Christ avoided physical assault by hiding (John 8:59). Paul and David also repeatedly fled physically abusive civil and religious authorities. Clergy should advise battered wives to flee from abusive husbands or family members and should assist them in every way they can to find safety and physical security.

Domestic violence series IV

Still quoting from the article by Steven Tracy entitled 'Clergy Responses to Domestic Violence'. I find it interesting that I have never heard domestic violence mentioned in the pulpit, in all the years I have been attending church. Why is this?

Some clergy are often silent about what needs to be said, namely that God hates abuse, and that domestic violence is sinful and unacceptable. This message is urgent for the whole congregation, but can be particularly empowering for abuse victims.


In one study of battered Christian women, when asked what they needed most from the church, abused women indicated two primary needs. They said they needed (1) the church’s recognition that violence against women and children is a problem even in the church and (2) a straightforward condemnation of domestic violence from the pulpit.


The condemnation of physical abuse is a dominant theme of Scripture, particularly in the Hebrew prophets. There are hundreds of Scripture passages that condemn abuse and proclaim God’s particular judgment on physical abusers. For instance, one of the seven sins that God hates is ‘hands that shed innocent blood (Proverbs 6:17).


Repeatedly God declares judgment on abusers, whether they are part of the covenant community (Ezekiel 9:9-10) or whether they are pagans (Amos 1:3-15).


It is very empowering and encouraging for abuse survivors to hear their ministers declare from the pulpit “God hates abuse”; “God promises to judge harshly all unrepentant physical abusers”; “There is never any excuse for touching someone close to you in anger.” These statements are solidly biblical and need to be proclaimed from the pulpit.


Scripture makes it clear that God hates violence and calls his people, particularly spiritual leaders, to be assertive in protecting the abused and the vulnerable (Prov 24:11-12, Isaiah 1:17, Jeremiah 22:3).

Clergy must take seriously all reports of domestic violence, must never minimize abuse victims’ concerns and must be willing to confront abusers boldly and offer practical assistance to victims.

This includes helping victims of domestic violence to develop a safety plan and access safe housing (community shelters or a family in the church) and assisting with financial needs.

Domestic violence series III

I find this part of the article on domestic abuse (see two posts ago) pretty scary. Let me say upfront, as a clergyman's wife, that I think the clergy responses below are bad, naive and very, very wrong.



To quantify clergy beliefs about domestic violence and divorce, a questionnaire was sent to more than 5,000 Protestant ministers in the US.


A full 27 per cent of the clergy who responded said that if a wife would begin to submit to her abusive husband, God would honour her obedience and the abuse would stop (or God would give her the grace to endure the beatings).


Almost one fifth of respondents indicated that no amount of violence from an abusive husband would justify a wife leaving, and only 2 per cent of pastors said they would support divorce due to domestic violence.


One battered wife shared that after her husband beat her, “I went to my minister then, and his reaction was “What’s your husband’s favourite food?” and I said “Pork chops.” “What’s his favourite dress?” I told him and he said “I want you to go home and put on that dress and make him pork chops and honour your marriage vows.”


Sadly, submission does not stop abuse. In fact, it often serves to intensify it because it gives an abusive husband a greater sense of power.


A 1986 Bureau of Justice Statistics survey concluded that women who reported their abuse to authorities were far less likely to be reassaulted than the wives who submitted to the abuse and did not contact the authorities.

Research on domestic violence in fact reveals that the woman’s behaviour actually has little bearing on the abuse. That is, abusive men do not abuse because of what their wives do or not do; they abuse because of complex internal pathologies beyond the wife’s control or responsibility.

Domestic violence series II

More quotes from the article about domestic abuse (see previous entry). Who does this stuff? And why?




Abusers cannot be visually identified, but they do have some notable behavioural characteristics.


The first and most consistent characteristic of physical abusers is a pervasive denial of responsibility. They simply refuse to own their destructive behaviour.


They do this by shifting the blame for all their abuse and/or by minimizing the abuse itself... They say that abuse if wrong, but what they did was not abuse. Or they say that their wives forced them to hit by being such a nag, by disrespecting their authority, by not meeting their needs, etc.

Domestic violence series

I mentioned a few weeks back that the issue of domestic violence has been on my mind recently, and things keep popping up about it everywhere I go! This week I read a great piece about it in a Christian periodical, so I've decided to spend the next few posts quoting from the article.

The article is called Clergy Responses to Domestic Violence by Steven R Tracy. It comes from Priscilla Papers, vol 21, no 2. Spring 2007. It's 5000 words long, and most likely copyright in its entirety, so I'm pinching bits and pieces. Everything below is a direct quote unless indicated otherwise, but the quotes are not necessarily in the same order in the article.

Domestic violence is an issue that is probably more common than most people think, but no -one talks about... ever!


Domestic violence is the use or threat of physical violence to control a family member or intimate partner. In other words, it is the use of force to control someone who should be treated with great love and respect.

Domestic violence involves more than just acts that cause physical injury. It involves both the use of physical force and the threat of physical force to control another. And domestic violence that does not cause actual physical injury does cause emotional/psychological injury.

Various research studies reveal that physical and sexual abuse rates are not appreciably lower amongst the churched than the unchurched, but are shockingly high.

[A 1989 study by the Christian Reformed Church (US) based on adults’ self-reporting of previous abuse found that] 28 per cent reported having experienced at least one of three types of abuse – physical abuse or neglect, sexual abuse or emotional abuse.]

In general, 22-33 per cent of American women will be assaulted by intimate partners in their lifetimes.

The Surgeon General (US) has reported that domestic violence accounts for more adults female emergency room visits than traffic accidents, muggings and rapes combined, and is the greatest single cause of injury to American women.

Fog in head

I didn't eat dinner with the kids last night. I like to wait until they've gone to bed before I make my Sunday night two-egg omelette with cheese, tomato and fresh coriander.

I could feel my blood sugar dropping a little, but didn't worry about it too much as I thought I could last the half hour before 7pm when the oldest goes to bed.

We were playing chess and were on our second game when all of a sudden I looked at the board and thought, "I don't know what colour pieces I am playing with. And which way do those pawns go? Up the board or down?"

It looked like a dreadful mash of black and white and I said to my daughter, "You win. I can't play. I've got to eat."

The same thing happened again today. I was sorting the washing mid-afternoon and thought, "I don't know what piece of clothing I'm holding, nor which pile it goes on."

It happens pretty regularly. I rarely know what day it is, and never the date. Whenever someone asks me "how has your week been?" I have to say, "I honestly don't know because I can't remember."

Brain fog. It makes me feel for my boy who has learning problems! He must feel like this all the time.

Makes you think

I read this modern day 'parable' yesterday*.


The man lay in the street, bleeding, the hit and run driver gone. He needed medical help immediately but he kept pleading, "don't take me to the hospital please".

Surprised, everyone around asked "why not?"

"I'm on the staff at the hospital," he said. "It would be embarrassing for them to see me like this. They have never seen me bleeding and dirty. They know me as clean and healthy."

"But hospital is just the place for you. Can't we call an ambulance?" they answered.

"No, please don't. I took a pedestrian safety course and the instructor would criticise me for getting hit," he said.

"Who cares what the instructor thinks? You need medical attention," they said.

"Well, the administration clerk would be upset too," the man answered. "She always gets upset if anyone who's being admitted doesn't have all the details they need to fill out the records. I didn't see who hit me, and I don't know the make of car or licence number. She wouldn't understand. She's a real stickler for records. Worse than that, I don't have my medical insurance card."

"Why is that such a problem?" they asked.

"Well, they won't recognise me in this state, and they wouldn't let me in if I don't have the card. They must be sure it's not going to cost them anything. They protect the institution. Look, just pull me over to the curb. I'll make it some way. It's my fault I got hit. Why should the nurses get their clean uniforms dirty with me? They would criticise me."

With that, he pulled himself up and stumbled to the curb, trying to stem his own bleeding.

The question for us is this. The church is the place for healing for sinners and the sinned-against in this world. But will we help or criticise?


*quoted in a book called Healing Memories by David Seamands, but originally by Fred Smith of Dallas, Texas.

More belonging

Our church is doing a bit of a thing on 1 Corinthians at the moment. We're up to chapter 12 and the exposition about spiritual gifts and it fell to me on Thursday night to lead the young adults bible study on this topic.

We had questions about what spiritual gifts were, and what it meant to be one body with many parts. Then we came to some practical questions for our week-to-week church life. We were asked to think about how to encourage people in our congregation to use their spiritual gifts for the good of all.

"How can we do this?" I posed the question to the group.

I don't know what answers I was expecting, but I was surprised to notice that all of the conversation after this centred around feeling a sense of belonging to the people in the congregation rather than gifts and how to use them.

Perhaps using our gifts arises more naturally out of being in healthy relationships. Perhaps when we focus on the gift, we are being a little bit strained or forced.

Perhaps we should be concentrating on growing community and relationships and from there encouraging each individual - already loved and valued by the group - to share their strengths and gifts with everyone.

Books

Some books I've read recently:

No-one takes my Children: Donya somebody.
I made no effort to remember her surname because I was thoroughly unimpressed by her as a person. She became mildly famous for helping women in England get their children back after their husbands had abducted them and taken them overseas - particularly to the Middle East. However she neglected to notice that her own husband was getting ready to snatch his own two children. Donya lies, manipulates and self-justifies her way through life to get her own way and calls it working for the greater good of keeping children with their mothers.

The Contemplative Pastor: Eugene H Peterson
This I picked up today and looked at over lunch and was very impressed with it. I'm definitely going to read it - if only because it has a chapter called 'The Ministry of Small Talk'.

The Spellman Files: Lisa Lutz
This is a hilarious tale of a very dysfunctional family of private detectives. Everyone's in the business, so they know exactly how to spy on each other. The voice is very fresh, the characters very flawed. I don't like Isabel much but I love the whole story.

The Secret River: Kate Grenville
I was very happy to get this for my birthday because I had heard a lot about it. It's an award-winning novel based on research into Grenville's own family history. The first half was wonderful. The second half I have yet to get through, and the reason is entirely that I'm not overly keen on the Australian bush. If you love Australian landscapes and know the Hawkesbury in particular, you will relish this, but I have yet to develop the enthusiasm.

Mmmm

I have a new favourite snack now that I'm trying to avoid added sugar. I discovered that if you combine pecan nuts and sultanas, it tastes just like one of my favourite desserts - pecan pie!

I am also continuing to try to hide vegetables in food in creative ways. Today's recipe is a potato chocolate cake and it's absolutely smooth and gorgeous.

1 cup butter
2 cups sugar (I only put one in)
4 eggs
2 oz melted chocolate (I substituted 1/2 cup cocoa)
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup cold mashed potatoes (well mashed, no lumps)
1 tsp baking soda
2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup sour milk or butter milk (or just add a dash of lemon juice to the milk)

Cream the butter and sugar, add in eggs, cocoa, vanilla and potatoes, beating as you go. Add in dry ingredients, alternating with the milk. Mix well. Bake at 180C for 45 mins.

Better Together

I had a great day at the Better Together conference on Saturday.

Most people who know me will know that I hold 'egalitarian' views on what the Bible says about men and women. People like me find ourselves in a bit of a minority in Sydney evangelical circles, so it was nice to meet with others of like mind.

Grahame Cole of Trinity Evangelical College (I think) was the keynote speaker and gave two very interesting and easy to understand talks, one on the Trinity question, and the other on the textual questions underpinning the egalitarian view - especially focusing on 1 Timothy 2.

If anyone is interested in hearing the egalitarian side, Cole presented in a fair, loving and generous way and made what can be quite a complex argument clear and well thought out. The talks were recorded and will be able to be downloaded for free from the Better Together website.

The thing I appreciated from the conference was the lack of any bitterness, rancour or anger,. It was obvious that it had been put together in a spirit of prayerfulness and love.

Real what?

Today I am wearing a pair of straight jeans, white t-shirt and a checked collared/cuffed shirt that used to belong to my aunty. It's sort of classic country attire.

Why am I telling you this? Only because my 7 year old daughter looked at me with satisfaction this morning as I was taking her to school.

"I like you in that shirt Mum," she said, "You look more real."

"More real? More real than what?" I asked.

"You look like a more real mother," she said.

[me slightly gobsmacked...] "Do you mean I look really boring?" I asked.

"No, you just look like a real mum," she said.

Hmmm. It must be that leopard skin leotard I wear so often....

Underground?

I've joined up to Facebook and gotten in touch with a number of old school friends as well as catching up with some mates from uni. It's been kind of fun to see faces and send updates.

When you ask someone to 'be your friend', you have to write in where you know them from and the years you knew them. The Facebook program takes all this information and creates a 'social timeline' for you, listing where you were during which year.

I was a little bit miffed to read this on my social timeline:

2006- 2007 - You were at Moore College Buthargra
1991-2005 - You went underground for a few years
1990 - Murree Christian School

I did not go underground! I had a perfectly good life thank you very much. I studied, worked, got married, had a baby, bought a house, made friends!

Just because Facebook doesn't know about me doesn't mean that I 'went underground'!