Are you a peg on or peg off kind of person? Do you keep your pegs in a neat basket or apron and take them off the line when you bring the laundry, or do your pegs go straight back on? Which is easier?
I vary between the two. Right now I'm going through a 'peg on' stage. But one day I'll probably think it will be easier to keep them in my peg apron.
My nanna was a peg on person, but her daughters are definitely pegs off. Which are you?
And isn't 'peg' a stupid word once you start to repeat it frequently.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Escape!
Mum lent me an incredible book the other day. It's the true story of a woman who was brought up in the polygamous cult and Mormon offshoot, the FLDS.
At 18 she asked her father nervously if she could go to college to become a paediatrician. Two days later she found herself married to a 54 year old man as his fourth wife. Her father had asked the 'prophet' of the group for permission, and he had said, yes, she could go to college, but to be a teacher, and she should be married before she went, and here's the name of her husband.
Her life was horrendous. Squabbling women and children, an abusive and power-hungry husband, a lack of money, emotional manipulation and physical abuse, eight pregnancies, three of them life-threatening and a son with a tumour.
Through it all, she was blamed for whatever went wrong. When they didn't have enough money for food, but her husband and his favourite wife were eating steak every night, her husband said, "You should be happy with what I give you. You are in rebellion to me." When she was stalked by a criminal with homicidal tendencies employed by her husband, he said, "You shouldn't encourage him. You are in rebellion to your priesthood head by your actions." When her son was deathly ill and her husband wouldn't allow him to go to hospital, she had to get her parents to help her 'illegally' to call an ambulance, and was then blamed for the whole thing. "If you were perfectly obedient to me, God wouldn't have cursed you with a sick son. It's all your fault."
Life got worse and worse until she took a huge chance and made a bid for freedom. She won custody of her children through the outside court system and is now living a relatively 'normal' life!
I'm particularly interested in the story because I've been so intrigued by the TV show Big Love, which is based in the same cult. Now I've got a lot of background information and more insight into the show.
Scary stuff, when women have no power and are completely dependent on a male patriarchal system for everything. And when it's preached as God's will... even worse!
At 18 she asked her father nervously if she could go to college to become a paediatrician. Two days later she found herself married to a 54 year old man as his fourth wife. Her father had asked the 'prophet' of the group for permission, and he had said, yes, she could go to college, but to be a teacher, and she should be married before she went, and here's the name of her husband.
Her life was horrendous. Squabbling women and children, an abusive and power-hungry husband, a lack of money, emotional manipulation and physical abuse, eight pregnancies, three of them life-threatening and a son with a tumour.
Through it all, she was blamed for whatever went wrong. When they didn't have enough money for food, but her husband and his favourite wife were eating steak every night, her husband said, "You should be happy with what I give you. You are in rebellion to me." When she was stalked by a criminal with homicidal tendencies employed by her husband, he said, "You shouldn't encourage him. You are in rebellion to your priesthood head by your actions." When her son was deathly ill and her husband wouldn't allow him to go to hospital, she had to get her parents to help her 'illegally' to call an ambulance, and was then blamed for the whole thing. "If you were perfectly obedient to me, God wouldn't have cursed you with a sick son. It's all your fault."
Life got worse and worse until she took a huge chance and made a bid for freedom. She won custody of her children through the outside court system and is now living a relatively 'normal' life!
I'm particularly interested in the story because I've been so intrigued by the TV show Big Love, which is based in the same cult. Now I've got a lot of background information and more insight into the show.
Scary stuff, when women have no power and are completely dependent on a male patriarchal system for everything. And when it's preached as God's will... even worse!
Exasperate
There are times I get exasperated. They are mostly when I want to do something but I just can't. Someone might be bugging me and getting in my way, or I have run up against a blockage of some sort.
The most exasperating sort of blockage is where I am trying to talk to someone but they are not listening, or they are 'listening' which means letting me talk, but then not taking me seriously and not doing anything differently.
I looked up the ever-trusty google for a definition of exasperate and found this: To trouble the nerves or peace of mind of, especially by repeated vexations.
The thesaurus threw some extra words into the mix: aggravate, annoy, bother, bug, chafe, disturb, fret, gall, irk, irritate, nettle, peeve, provoke, put out, rile, ruffle, vex.
And don't forget the idioms: get in one's hair, get on one's nerves, get under one's skin.
I bring this up because I have been thinking a great deal about this verse:
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
I have never heard a talk on this, and have never seen it addressed in the many parenting books I have read in my time.
We are not to exasperate our children. That means we don't bug, needle, annoy, irritate them. We don't get in their way, we don't put them out, we don't rile them.
I think I may have read this verse like this in the past: Fathers, don't exasperate your children, from your point of view.
But it doesn't say that. If someone is exasperated, they are exasperated. If we think their exasperation doesn't matter so much because they are children and their priorities don't count as much as adult priorities, we need to re-read this verse.
Ways children might get exasperated: not being really listened to - and not just words but in what's behind their words, not being taken seriously, having their wants dismissed, being teased without end, not being given enough time to get used to a change of activity or plan, being laughed at, being roughly treated.
It means I have to be more present, physically and emotionally, with my children, reading their signals and hearing their language, and showing through my life and my words, the love and patience of Christ for them.
The most exasperating sort of blockage is where I am trying to talk to someone but they are not listening, or they are 'listening' which means letting me talk, but then not taking me seriously and not doing anything differently.
I looked up the ever-trusty google for a definition of exasperate and found this: To trouble the nerves or peace of mind of, especially by repeated vexations.
The thesaurus threw some extra words into the mix: aggravate, annoy, bother, bug, chafe, disturb, fret, gall, irk, irritate, nettle, peeve, provoke, put out, rile, ruffle, vex.
And don't forget the idioms: get in one's hair, get on one's nerves, get under one's skin.
I bring this up because I have been thinking a great deal about this verse:
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
I have never heard a talk on this, and have never seen it addressed in the many parenting books I have read in my time.
We are not to exasperate our children. That means we don't bug, needle, annoy, irritate them. We don't get in their way, we don't put them out, we don't rile them.
I think I may have read this verse like this in the past: Fathers, don't exasperate your children, from your point of view.
But it doesn't say that. If someone is exasperated, they are exasperated. If we think their exasperation doesn't matter so much because they are children and their priorities don't count as much as adult priorities, we need to re-read this verse.
Ways children might get exasperated: not being really listened to - and not just words but in what's behind their words, not being taken seriously, having their wants dismissed, being teased without end, not being given enough time to get used to a change of activity or plan, being laughed at, being roughly treated.
It means I have to be more present, physically and emotionally, with my children, reading their signals and hearing their language, and showing through my life and my words, the love and patience of Christ for them.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Surprise package
I gave the children's talk at the Good Friday service, complete with silly facial expressions, overacting and needless dramatics. Afterwards, an older lady that I don't know very well came up to me.
"You're the surprise package of the year," she said. "I just thought you were this quiet little thing - a typical minister's wife type, but it turns out you've got a bit of personality."
That's the first time I've ever been called a typical minister's wife! Hee hee.
"You're the surprise package of the year," she said. "I just thought you were this quiet little thing - a typical minister's wife type, but it turns out you've got a bit of personality."
That's the first time I've ever been called a typical minister's wife! Hee hee.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Welcoming Seminar
Someone asked me for my notes about the welcoming seminars I ran at church last week. The first 10 minutes was introducing two concepts - the idea of having a 'people filter' in our heads, and the four spaces of relationships (search on friendship in the topics on this blog to find out more about these).
'The People Filter'
Sometimes I go out by myself to a meeting or a function while my husband stays home with our children. When I get home, his first question is often: “Who was there?” Sometimes my answer is: “Oh, no-one really.”
Why do I say this?
What I mean is, no-one was there who was relevant or interesting to me. I’m very good at dismissing most of the world’s population because they didn’t make it through my people filter.
When we talk about welcoming others, the first thing we need to admit to ourselves is that we have a ‘people filter’.
It’s hard to admit that most of the time it’s switched on for the people relevant to us, and OFF for the people who are newcomers or strangers or different.
Brainstorming together
We did this for 20 minutes or so, writing down our answers on the board.
Us
Do we really want our church to grow?
What are the risks we take?
What do we lose?
What do we gain?
Why do we welcome? (versus why should we welcome?)
Them
Who are they?
Why do they come?
What do they want?
What do they expect?
Me
How well do I know myself?
What am I scared of?
What am I capable of?
How do I come across?
What do I fear?
What do I lose? What do I gain?
Why do I welcome?
God
What is his character?
What can he give us?
More Brainstorming
We then went on to identify problems that we faced when talking to new people or making ourselves known. After that we worked on some solutions for each problem. One very interesting that come up a lot was that some people were less interested in the problems they faced, and more interested in problems that other people have, or the building or circumstances present. I had to work hard to keep the focus on us and what we can do.
'The People Filter'
Sometimes I go out by myself to a meeting or a function while my husband stays home with our children. When I get home, his first question is often: “Who was there?” Sometimes my answer is: “Oh, no-one really.”
Why do I say this?
What I mean is, no-one was there who was relevant or interesting to me. I’m very good at dismissing most of the world’s population because they didn’t make it through my people filter.
When we talk about welcoming others, the first thing we need to admit to ourselves is that we have a ‘people filter’.
It’s hard to admit that most of the time it’s switched on for the people relevant to us, and OFF for the people who are newcomers or strangers or different.
Brainstorming together
We did this for 20 minutes or so, writing down our answers on the board.
Us
Do we really want our church to grow?
What are the risks we take?
What do we lose?
What do we gain?
Why do we welcome? (versus why should we welcome?)
Them
Who are they?
Why do they come?
What do they want?
What do they expect?
Me
How well do I know myself?
What am I scared of?
What am I capable of?
How do I come across?
What do I fear?
What do I lose? What do I gain?
Why do I welcome?
God
What is his character?
What can he give us?
More Brainstorming
We then went on to identify problems that we faced when talking to new people or making ourselves known. After that we worked on some solutions for each problem. One very interesting that come up a lot was that some people were less interested in the problems they faced, and more interested in problems that other people have, or the building or circumstances present. I had to work hard to keep the focus on us and what we can do.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Updates
I've been...
Busy with...
two seminars and a talk last week, plus a whole lot of desktop publishing for church stuff. All fun.
Enjoying...
the new pilates class I've started. A teacher who can do it and teach it!
Thinking about...
children, respect, saying 'yes', mindful parenting, home schooling.
Wishing...
the baby would continue his lovely long nap time. Unfortunately he's giving it up!
Getting...
a haircut, thanks Sarah.
Forgetting...
to wax my legs. And it's been so hot...
Regretting...
that I only managed to eat well for a week before a block of chocolate was my undoing.
Waiting...
for a publisher to get back to me.
Winning...
can you believe it... I won a bubble jet printer from a free competition I entered.
Busy with...
two seminars and a talk last week, plus a whole lot of desktop publishing for church stuff. All fun.
Enjoying...
the new pilates class I've started. A teacher who can do it and teach it!
Thinking about...
children, respect, saying 'yes', mindful parenting, home schooling.
Wishing...
the baby would continue his lovely long nap time. Unfortunately he's giving it up!
Getting...
a haircut, thanks Sarah.
Forgetting...
to wax my legs. And it's been so hot...
Regretting...
that I only managed to eat well for a week before a block of chocolate was my undoing.
Waiting...
for a publisher to get back to me.
Winning...
can you believe it... I won a bubble jet printer from a free competition I entered.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Gone AWOL
Sorry about the long break, dear gentle readers. When we returned from our trip to Sydney, the internet was down. It took many many phone calls to India to get the problem fixed and in the end we were so frustrated that we switched providers. Finally we're online again!
I read the most incredible book in the last couple of weeks. Of course I've returned it to the library now, so can't be accurate about title or author - I think it's A Life in Pieces by Dr Richard Baer.
It told the true story of a woman who had been so cruelly abused as a child by her sadistic parents that she had developed multiple personalities to cope with the trauma.
Karen developed no less than 17 different personalities, starting from when she was a baby. Each of them served a different function - some were parent figures who kept her organised and did things like driving, typing and making appointments. Others were little children, some of whom were angry and acted up because they were the ones who had to carry all of the pain. These personalities incited Karen to self-harm and made her suicidal. One personality carried all the depression, while another only enjoyed herself and knew nothing about sadness or abuse.
Karen ended up with Dr Baer, a psychiatrist, who worked out what her problem was - Multiple Personality Disorder - but who had no idea how to find a cure! The signs were obvious to him. Karen would 'lose time' and have no idea how she got somewhere, or have few and fragmented memories of her past - even of parts of the previous day. She cut herself but couldn't remember doing it. She ended up buying things that she couldn't remember. She had even woken up after a caesarean section with no clue as to who she was or why she had a baby.
The parent personalities had decided it was time for Karen to get some help once the system started to fall down and the personalities couldn't keep their memories and their feelings to themselves. They started to merge and Karen would get flashbacks and memories that she just couldn't handle. They organised for her to get to the psychiatrist and then began him writing letters during the times they were 'out' as Karen to explain things further.
Dr Baer had some experience with hypnosis and was able to talk to the different personalities while Karen was hypnotized during regular sessions.
In the end the father personality came up with the idea to merge the personalities and worked out how to do it. Dr Baer followed his lead, and the patient effectively cured herself with his encouragement and help. It took several years for all this to happen, and then she spent more time in therapy working out her life as a 'single' person, not a multiple.
Honestly, if the book had been fiction, it would have been completely unbelievable. I was amazed by Karen's story. It just didn't seem possible, but it was incredible to see how the human soul can help itself to survive terrible situations.
I read the most incredible book in the last couple of weeks. Of course I've returned it to the library now, so can't be accurate about title or author - I think it's A Life in Pieces by Dr Richard Baer.
It told the true story of a woman who had been so cruelly abused as a child by her sadistic parents that she had developed multiple personalities to cope with the trauma.
Karen developed no less than 17 different personalities, starting from when she was a baby. Each of them served a different function - some were parent figures who kept her organised and did things like driving, typing and making appointments. Others were little children, some of whom were angry and acted up because they were the ones who had to carry all of the pain. These personalities incited Karen to self-harm and made her suicidal. One personality carried all the depression, while another only enjoyed herself and knew nothing about sadness or abuse.
Karen ended up with Dr Baer, a psychiatrist, who worked out what her problem was - Multiple Personality Disorder - but who had no idea how to find a cure! The signs were obvious to him. Karen would 'lose time' and have no idea how she got somewhere, or have few and fragmented memories of her past - even of parts of the previous day. She cut herself but couldn't remember doing it. She ended up buying things that she couldn't remember. She had even woken up after a caesarean section with no clue as to who she was or why she had a baby.
The parent personalities had decided it was time for Karen to get some help once the system started to fall down and the personalities couldn't keep their memories and their feelings to themselves. They started to merge and Karen would get flashbacks and memories that she just couldn't handle. They organised for her to get to the psychiatrist and then began him writing letters during the times they were 'out' as Karen to explain things further.
Dr Baer had some experience with hypnosis and was able to talk to the different personalities while Karen was hypnotized during regular sessions.
In the end the father personality came up with the idea to merge the personalities and worked out how to do it. Dr Baer followed his lead, and the patient effectively cured herself with his encouragement and help. It took several years for all this to happen, and then she spent more time in therapy working out her life as a 'single' person, not a multiple.
Honestly, if the book had been fiction, it would have been completely unbelievable. I was amazed by Karen's story. It just didn't seem possible, but it was incredible to see how the human soul can help itself to survive terrible situations.
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