What if someone is clinging to you?

A little bit more from my book on friendship...

Perhaps you are very charismatic person with heaps of charm. You are the popular girl that everyone wants to be friends with. If this is you, you probably have a number of people who hang off you for various reasons.

This puts you in a powerful position. With a word or look, you can ruin somebody's day, week or year. Please be careful. The temptation to be cruel can be overwhelming, especially if there are others standing around who will laugh.

You will need to make decisions about how you relate to people around you. Choosing kindness over cruelty does not mean that you have to be everybody's best friend. You can pull back but in a gentle way.

Perhaps, rather than being charismatic, you are capable. You know just what to do and when to do it and how to do it. You have your life in order and you have plenty of compassion for others who don't. You want to serve and you want to help people. Conveniently there always seem to be a lot of people around to help -- people who seem to need you and who cant get on without you. They cling like limpets to a rock and you feel responsible.

This is probably not a healthy relationship. As much as it feels good to help people, if you live their lives for them, you are doing them a disservice. You have a responsibility to live your own life first. Everyone else also has that responsibility. By taking on others and helping too much you are robbing people of the opportunities to grow up and be adults.

Of course, there are exceptions. But if someone needs so much help that you do nothing else but help them, they really should be seeing a professional or someone who is more equipped to help them solve their problems.

If you are neither charismatic or capable but someone is still clinging tightly to you you may need some help in analyzing the situation. Perhaps you are being used or controlled because you are not strong enough to stand up to the other person. It is worth getting some help or talking to someone about it.