Cubby house

I'm building the kids a cubby house. I've enlisted the help of our lovely neighbour and he is showing me what to do. This is the progress as of yesterday. The floor and one wall frame have been done. Today I measured, sawed and hammered another wall frame. My arm muscles are complaining.

Starting at a new group

Some more from my newly finished book...
I’ve come in new to enough groups of people that I know what usually happens. I also know how bad I usually feel, and have worked out a way to get over it. What is normal, and how will you feel when you walk into a new group? This is the rough mental plan that I rely on.

First 5 minutes
Probably will happen...
Not many people will talk to you although they might eye you curiously. This doesn’t necessarily mean they hate you. It just means they feel shy too. You’ll feel uncomfortable, out of place and a little lost. You might get an overwhelming desire to turn around, leave and never come back.
Keep going! These are completely normal feelings. Act confident, breathe deeply and you’ll come through it.

Probably won't happen...
As you enter, you probably won’t see people with outstretched arms pointing at you and laughing (unless you arrive in a bunny suit). You probably won’t have things thrown at you. You probably won’t be attacked verbally or physically. If this does happen, take off the bunny suit. But either way, you should probably turn around and walk out! Who needs the abuse?

First 10 minutes
Probably will happen...
If you’ve found your contact person, you’ll probably be introduced to a couple of people. You’ll have some slightly awkward and stilted chat. You might not know where to go to get to the facilities. You’ll still feel weird and embarrassed. Keep going! This is normal. It will get easier. Remember, you’re not the only one who’s talking to someone new. The others are just as shy as you. If you need to, ask your way to the bathroom, put on some lip gloss for confidence, pray and regroup with some deep breathing in a stall!

Probably won't happen...
It would be unusual for absolutely no-one to have spoken to you at all by this stage. If looks of pure hatred and disgust are still being shot your way, you might want to consider a few things: First, check your body language and appearance. Are you suitably dressed? Does your body language say ‘I don’t want to be here?’ Do you look confident? Ask yourself if you’re just paranoid. Find someone you know and ask them to introduce you around.
If none of this works, or someone spits in your face, perhaps you have stumbled into a group of neo-Nazis about to elect their new leader, and you probably should get out while the going is good.

First half hour
Probably will happen...
By this stage, hopefully you will have participated in the group in some small way. You should be feeling more comfortable in the room. You may have had some conversations with a few people. You’ll still feel like you’re doing a lot of work and expending a lot of effort for not much return, but rest assured, this is still normal. Keep going. Make it a challenge to yourself to last another half hour!

Probably won't happen...
If anyone is going to throw fried eggs at you or set an explosion, it would probably be at this point. If you collect a fried egg around the head, you are absolutely within your rights to leave. And fast.

At the end
Go home, write down everyone’s names that you remember for reference for next time. Put the next meeting in your diary. Take a nice hot shower, treat yourself (my choice is chocolate) and feel pleased that the worst is over! You’ve done really well! If you come home bruised and battered physically or emotionally, hop in the bath and have a long soak. Nurse your wounds and remember – you’re not a failure just because you encountered an unfriendly group of people!

Love a cup of tea...

Birthday season is over at our house for a while and I thought I'd go out with a bang.

This is the cake for the nine year old. Ambitious, I know, but I fell in love with a teapot in one of the cake decorating books and knew I wouldn't be content until I had done it.

Honestly and truly, it was a lot easier than it looks. If you can do playdough, you can do a cake like this.

The trick is to start early - don't try to do it the night before.

I made two round cakes and some muffins a week ago. When the cakes were cool, I stuck them on top of each other with some butter icing and then shoved all of them in the freezer.

A few days later I pulled them out and carved the shape of the ball out of the two round cakes. I also trimmed off the muffins so they were a little more tea cup shaped.

Once I was happy with the shape, I covered the whole thing in a layer of butter icing (you could also use apricot jam). This is what keeps the crumbs from falling into everything and wrecking the design. I then put it back into the freezer until I was ready to decorate it.

Then came the fun bit. I bought readymade white icing in a little box from the supermarket. I can't remember what it's called, but it's up high and next to the marzipan icing.

If you can do playdough, this stuff is just the same! I rolled it out to cover the teapot and the teacups and added food colouring for the handles and the decorations. The spout and the teapot handle are just modelled icing, held on with toothpicks. I didn't make the icing flowers on the teapot - you can buy them in the cake section at the supermarket.

Finally, the little cups had a teaspoon of chocolate mousse added to the top to look like hot chocolate or coffee.

My daughter didn't want to cut it - she thought it was too good to eat!

Nine year olds

I try not to post too much about my children on this blog, but I've really been enjoying watching my nine year old interact with her friends over the past few weeks.

They began filming a 'movie' one afternoon, acting out the roles from 'Enchanted' and finding props for sets around the house. It was such fun for them that they decided they wanted to finish it and have spent about the last four Wednesday afternoons at our place doing scenes and having me film them with the video camera.

We're about two thirds of the way through now. My daughter and I have been editing it and learning a lot about the video editor as we go!

I love listening to them organise themselves, practice and then do the filming. I've also heard them start to discuss the characters and their ethics, find holes in the plot and work out where the script falls down. It's been better than sending them to a discussion group at film school!

They've improved in all areas in the weeks they've been doing it, and when they finish they'll have a gorgeous little film to watch together, together with a blooper reel.

And just for fun: here' s a quote from another nine year old. I heard her discussing another little girl with my daughter.

"Yes, I think she's about my 38th best friend."

One more week

Yep, I think I've got about a week's worth of work left to do on my book! How cool.

Now hopefully the publishers will like what they see!

What to do with my life?

At the beginning of middle age, it's time to consider what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

Here are a few of the things I'm thinking about. If anyone has any more suggestions, I'm all ears!

- Children. I'm very committed to being present with my children, and to giving them opportunities to learn and grow, gentle guidance and as much patience and love and enjoyment of our relationship as I can. So most of the time I'm going to need to spend with them, especially as the littlest is still only two. This will take up the majority of the next 16 years!

- Writing. This is definitely my 'first love' in terms of career. Writing is what I have always wanted to do, ever since I was aged 5 and engaged to James Carson (who was 3 at the time). Incidentally, we had big plans for our life together. We'd live in NZ, have two boys and two girls, all of whose names began with R, he would be a farmer and I would be a writer. As long as I can keep getting up early in the morning, I can probably do this. It will get easier once the kiddies are a little more independent. I would love to do a story set in Pakistan, but I might have to wait a few years before I can travel without leaving everyone stranded at home.

- RDI. I know a number of autistic/Aspergers' teenagers and adults. I would really love to become an RDI consultant and specialise in helping these older folk gain the relationship skills they want. The barrier to doing this is oh, around about $10,000 AUD for the course, plus two lots of airfares to Houston. Then there is the time to see clients. If somehow I managed to wangle a day per week free, it could work, but that could be hard. I'll have to pray about it.

- all the other stuff. Bible study, speaking here and there, seeing friends, keeping fit, doing some quilting, having time to spend with various others.

Any more suggestions?

Friendships in the Bible III: Onesimus and Philemon

Of all the stories of friendship in the Bible, I love Onesimus and Philemon most. Philemon is such a tiny little book in the New Testament but its meanings and implications are profound and drastic.

Philemon is a book that must shake us to our core if and change our relationships and social life if we take it seriously.

It centers, appropriately enough, around Philemon, a wealthy man of good social standing, who becomes a Christian possibly through Paul’s ministry, and his rebellious, runaway slave, Onesimus.

In those days, masters owned slaves. It was not an equal relationship by any means. In ordinary circumstances, Philemon and Onesimus were certainly not relating to each other as people, peers or equals. They would not have been friends.

Onesimus stole money from Philemon and ran away. We’re not told more than that except that in some extraordinary way, he ended up with Paul in Rome and became a Christian. He could have stayed there and begun a new life, but Paul was keen to see Philemon and Onesimus reconciled -- and in a bigger way than just a master and slave.

Paul writes his short letter to Philemon and asks them to accept Onesimus back – as a brother. Not as a slave, but as a child of God like himself, in fact a friend.

Philemon is being called on to give up all the social expectations of his day. Accepting Onesimus back as a slave would be a scandal, even with a suitable punishment. But to welcome him into his house as an equal and friend and valued human being would really turn things upside down! Philemon would probably find himself on the outside amongst his peers.

This is Christianity that really makes waves. To go against social norms, class and race lines or socioeconomic status and make friends with people who are considered ‘lesser’ is a very courageous thing to do.

Philemon is being asked to do it and to demonstrate the character of God in a beautifully scandalous way – a very costly way to himself.

This is what God saving love brings us to do – to break down the man-made barriers of hatred of difference that we create and maintain at the cost of people’s lives. Social scandals are as real today as they were in Philemon’s time. But Christian friendship goes across money, status, and social acceptance. Christian friendship is radical and beautifully scandalous.

Six random facts

I've been tagged to do another meme by Prue (see link to the side). I'm going to disobey the rules and not copy them down here. How naughty! Also - anyone who wants to can do this one themselves. I unofficially tag AP, Jess and MW.

The meme requires six random facts about myself, so here goes.

1. Despite my best intentions, I remain uncommitted to composting.

2. Ditto clearing out the clutter and having "a place for everything and everything in its place."

3. I invent new future careers and business opportunities for myself every time I discover something new. Unfortunately (or perhaps thankfully) I rarely if ever follow through! In the last two years I've wanted to be a pilates instructor, alexander technique teacher, psychologist/counsellor, RDI consultant, online seller of "Not your daughters jeans", blockbuster writer, newspaper columnist...

4. I once declared 14 to be the 'ideal age'. Of course, that was before I was actually 14.

5. No-one ever had my name or my birthday when I was growing up.

6. If I read intense or emotional books or watch intense or emotional movies I become... yes, intense and emotional.

I'm not creative, just stingy...

My beautiful middle son is turning 5 this week, and loves (no, adores) all things Thomas the Tank Engine. In looking for the right present for him, I saw a wonderful looking engine shed in the shops.
However, on closer inspection, it turned out that two pieces of plywood and a bit of paint and plastic was retailing at over $70.

My Scottish heritage kicked in and I decided to make one. It's constructed out of cardboard and foam with paper mache over the top.

The piece de resistance that I am especially proud of is the way the doors open. They are secured with a long, thin knitting needle, stuck all the way through the doors and walls.

He's pretty happy with it. And I'm pretty excited about paper mache... what else can I cover with gooey paper... ?

Friendships in the Bible II: David and Jonathan

The famous friendship of the Bible has to be that of David and Jonathan. The close, intense relationship between the shepherd boy turned warrior/anointed king-in-waiting and the reigning king’s son has inspired art and literature throughout history.

But on a careful reading, I think they should be known as Jonathan and David, because Jonathan did most of the initiating and maintaining of the friendship – at least in the beginning.

The Bible says that Jonathan took a real liking to David. He made a covenant with him. He loved him as himself. He gave him presents – a robe, weapons, clothing - and provided for him. He warned David about plots against him by his father, he spoke out for him to his father and he used his influence to keep him safe.

It’s not surprising that Jonathan was the main player in the relationship at first, because as the son of the king, he was the one with the power in this relationship. But it is a power that he used for the good of his friend – and at a cost to himself in the end. Every time he kept David safe or promoted his interests, he was destroying his own chances of inheriting his father’s throne. Jonathan’s friendship with David was at the cost of his own career and reputation!

(The intensity of the relationship between Jonathan and David described in 1 Samuel 18-20 has led some commentators to argue that it could have been a sexual relationship. However the text never uses the usual words for sexual intercourse. In Gen 44:30 Jacob’s soul is ‘bound’ to his brother Benjamin in the same words. I like the fact that the most intense friendship in the Bible is between two men. It goes against our stereotype of men only being able to relate over a beer or a game of footy.)

Jonathan was a friend with some pretty impressive qualities. His loyalty to David and courage in the face of political pressure, and an angry, murderous father was unquestioned. He had the humility to say openly that he would never be king. He followed up his commitments, he was generous and he did it all ‘before the Lord’. He showed genuine affection, loyalty and openness. He was the friend everyone would love to have!

But while Jonathan was the one with the power initially, David was not just a passive ‘taker’ in all of this either. As time went on their friendship grew so that by the end it was definitely a two-way relationship between equals. When the pair had to part, the story says that David ‘wept the most’. At Jonathan’s death, David showed immense grief.

One of the particularly beautiful aspects of this friendship was the way David and Jonathan covenanted to do good to each other’s family and descendents. They knew that as technical rivals to the same throne, it was more than likely that their families and heirs could grow to hate each other and try to eliminate their opponents. They took steps to stop the cycle of rivalry and hate – and as time went on, it worked!

Jonathan and David’s friendship has a lot to teach us about power, self-sacrifice and loyalty. Most of us today are unlikely to be in a situation where we become best friends with our greatest rivals.

Cake

Oh yes. It certainly has.

Friendships in the Bible I

For years I thought that God was inefficient. It just didn’t seem to make sense that the Bible is so big and so full of complicated stories. Surely if God really wanted us to know what he was like and how to live, he could have done it in less space and with the use of a few well-placed bullet points.

Thankfully, as I have gotten older, I have come to appreciate efficiency less and relationships more. Now that I understand that God operates in relational ways, it makes sense that his story is told with in the rough-and-tumble of relationships in history.

The Bible is full of friendships – between God and people and between people themselves. We can learn a lot about ourselves and our own relationships by looking at theirs.

The beginning of the book of Ruth tells the story of a woman who had lost everything.

Naomi and her family had left Israel because of famine and had tried to make a life in Moab. But things did not run smoothly. First and probably disappointingly, her two boys grew up and married women who were not Israelites. Next and tragically, Naomi’s husband died. The final horror came with the death of both her sons; the sting in the tail was that both of them had failed to have any children.

Naomi was left with no means of support and no hopes for a family to continue into the future. She had nothing in the present and nothing to look forward to. She returned to Israel low, bitter and more than likely depressed.

But for all her losses, she did have something and that something was a friend. Naomi’s daughter-in-law Ruth came back to Israel with her.
I’ve sometimes wondered if Ruth stuck with Naomi only out of loyalty to the in-law relationship they both had. I wondered if she felt she was doing a duty by the older woman. I think this may have been the case at the beginning, when both daughters-in-law began to start home with Naomi. However, Naomi released them of whatever duty they had when she tried to send them home.

“I can’t give you anything,” she said. “Go back to your homes and families.”

Having been freed of her responsibility, Ruth was then free to choose to go with Naomi. She stuck with her mother-in-law by choice. And a beautiful friendship grew from that free choice.

Ruth was very good for her older friend. Her presence meant that Naomi was not alone in the shame of returning home in failure and tragedy. Ruth was the one who went out to work and provided for them both. Their lives were tied up together.

Ruth was different from Naomi – in language, age, culture and understanding. She was probably not the ideal friend that Naomi would have envisaged for herself if she had thought about it. Naomi would probably have chosen someone who was of the same background, or who spoke the same language fluently. She probably would have wanted someone closer in age to herself, or who had experienced famine and the same things she had gone through. Yet Ruth loved both God and Naomi and she had chosen to be there. That was enough for the relationship to go ahead on.

As Ruth looked after Naomi and supported her, Naomi started to feel a little better. Better enough anyway, to start to have Ruth’s own interests at heart. You know you’re really depressed when all you can think about are your own problems. You know you’re starting to come out of it when you can take a real interest in other people’s issues.

Naomi saw that Ruth who had been so good to her really could do with a bit of a life. She saw an opportunity to provide for her and she took steps and solved one of their biggest problems by getting Boaz to marry Ruth.

It’s almost as if Naomi went from saying “I’m completely empty and God is completely against me” to being able to recognize the things God had given her in Ruth and the opportunities God was providing in Boaz.

By the end of the story, Naomi was no longer empty, bitter and tragic. She was a different woman, and it was because of what God gave her in her friend Ruth.

God gives us people who are good for us, even if they aren’t the people we would choose. He often shows his love for us and his blessings through the love of other people, and he can turn around tragic situations through the friendship and support of our friends.

Take that Donna Hay!

Alright, I really am showing off, but I'm just so thrilled with my (asked for) birthday present from Mum and Dad which mixed these beautiful scones today.

It's the Breville equivalent of a mixmaster. Before I got it out of its box, my little boy pointed at it and said, "What is it a?"

I said, "It's a mixmaster."

He said, "No, it's a Whizz Power Mixer!" He was right. And, yes, he can read more than I thought he could.

Anyway, by some cosmic accident on the very day I wanted to test out my new Whizz Power Mixer, I happened to have in the fridge both lemonade and cream - the secret ingredients for perfect scones.

Try this: in a Breville Whizz Power Mixer with dough hooks, mix together on a low speed 1 cup lemonade, 1 cup cream, 1 egg and 3 cups SR flour. Roll out, cut out and bake in a hot oven (200C) for 20 minutes or until golden on top.

As for once in my life I didn't burn what I put into the oven, I gave some to the neighbours and their assessment was 'delicious'.

Birthday

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I ended up having a four-day celebration!

On Wednesday we went to see Cirque du Soleil's show Dralion. It was my present from Andrew and it was a truly fantastic show.

Thursday was the birthday itself and I had a lovely breakfast in bed from my daughter (with help from daddy) plus hugs and smiles all day.

Friday we held a party for local friends and enjoyed soup, buns and cake followed by a prayer night for my little boy. (Check my other blog for more details.)

Then Saturday we were able to go up to Sydney for a great Indian dinner with some of the extended family. Fun!

Oh, and I put my 86 year old Poppa on Facebook so he can keep in touch with his grandchildren!

Favourites - thanks AP

1. My favourite TV shows:
Big Love, Flight of the Conchords

2. My favourite breakfast cereal:
muesli with lots of fruit and nuts

3. My favourite gadget:
The computer. Does that count?

4. My favourite book:
Too many to name. Right now: the Teenage Liberation Handbook.

5. My favourite writing implement:
A fountain pen. Not that I have one.

6. My favourite means of transportation:
roller skates

7. My favourite website:
Probably my own blog. That's egotistical isn't it!

8. My favourite musical artist:
Eric Clapton

9. My favourite pair of shoes:
The brown suede super-heels that my friend Kerri-Ann bought at a garage sale. Thankfully they ended up being too small for her and I got them!

10. My favourite beverage:
half-juice, half-water

11. My favourite meal:
chicken kurai from the 'Cockroach' in Murree or a traditional roast lamb

12. My favourite person at the moment:
All the people who remembered my birthday. makes me realise how bad I am at doing the same for them!

13. My favourite view:
driving down the hill to see Wollongong, or anywhere in the Highlands. Or - absolutely unbeatable - is the view of Lake Saiful Maluk in Kaghan Valley Pakistan. Actually, add to that a bridge across the river in Prague... beautiful.

14. My favourite sport:
roller skating.

15. My favourite word:
yes