Head spin

Note to self: don't even try to have Bible readings when you're sick!

I sat down this morning, on my second day of recovery after a night in emergency with a vomiting bug, ready set to have my quiet time. Turned aimlessly to Zechariah and started a head-spinning read about Zerubbabel, Joshua the high priest, women in baskets and fast horses.... what????

Words were floating all over the page so I finished up with a quick "God-help-me-today-I'm-going-to-need-it" type prayer. As it turns out, I did, and he did.

Daylight &*#$@ Saving

Whinge.

Hate daylight saving.

Hate the hour jet-lag I personally feel.

Hate the fact that at the changeover time where you're supposed to get more sleep (April) because of the extra hour, you actually get less sleep because the children still wake up at the same time - 6am new time instead of 7am.

Hate the Spring changeover time because you get less sleep again because you just don't feel like going to bed an hour 'earlier' than last night, and you then have to wake up at some ungodly hour the next morning, and the kids are still asleep when it's 8am instead of 7am, and you have to wake them up and they're cranky and you have no time in the morning to get things done before they all have to go off for school, and you have to have dinner at 4pm (old time) and the kids aren't stupid, they know that you're trying to put them to bed an hour earlier than yesterday.

I've lived in Australia for 18 years now. I've been losing 2 hours of sleep a year because of government-legislated daylight saving. That's 36 hours, which is a day and a half. I'd like that sleep given back to me as a tax break please, in four nine-hour blocks.

Stress

I've been very very anxious this week. Tight jaw, headaches, losing and forgetting things and my nervous tic, the twitchy lip.

The problem is that I'm worried that I'll never have enough time or energy to write the books I want to write (and every month I have a new idea for one). I'll never have time to study to be an RDI consultant and work with autistic children. I want to be fit and healthy, but I haven't made it to a pilates class yet this year. Perhaps I should have more children, but I don't have enough time. I have heaps of ideas for sewing and making quilts, but I don't have enough time. I really want to finish knitting my scarf and cool beanie, but I don't have enough time.

Of course I understand that if I keep worrying about what I haven't done yet, I'll die of stress disease early, which would be an ironic proposition.

It seemed easier when I was younger. There was more life stretching out ahead of me, but I'm nearly halfway through now and I've hardly done any of it yet.

What's the answer here? Get used to the idea that I just won't be able to achieve everything I want to? How can I live with that? I need some help.

Satisfactorily solving small problems

Velcro dots
These have revolutionised our lounge room. Rather than yelling "Where's the remote control?" every morning (kids TV) and evening (big kids TV), we now know it is hanging neatly on its velcro dot. We have a place for it. It doesn't get lost any more.
Time saved: 2-3 minutes per day, 18 1/4 hours per year.

Elastic
This has solved the problem of the missing hairbrushes which used to be a plague every morning. We now have two hair brushes tied to long pieces of elastic and fastened to two convenient points in the house.
Time saved: 3-4 minutes per day, 24 1/3 hours per year.

New vacuum cleaner
Happily, our old vacuum died this week. We have replaced it with a whiz bang flashy dashy bagless version which shows us just how much dirt it can pull up. We were appalled to see just how dirty our carpets really were! Let's hope it makes a difference to the three of us who are allergic to dust and mites, and the one who is allergic to dog hair.
Sneezes saved: 2-3 per person per day, 3200 per year.


If anyone can give me hints on easy ways to solve on the following problems that still irritate us, I'd be most grateful.
- Losing keys
- Losing wallets
- Losing mobile phones
- Leftovers festering in the fridge

Alter-ego

A friend gave me this card the other day. It turns out there is a whole catalogue of cards, gifts and even t-shirts featuring Cecily! The scary thing is... I even look like her.

46... really?

For the record I was born in 1973. That makes me 34 years old. And it's true I was having a bad bad hair day, but I was still a little shocked when the eight-year old said, "Mum, you look pretty old. You've got a lot of wrinkles."

"Do you think I look older than Sarah?" I asked her.

"About the same," she said.

"What about Glenys or Belinda?" I asked.

"Oh, they're a lot younger than you," she said.

Uh, uh. The whole lot of them are more than three years older than me - one up to five years older.

The next day, just to rub salt in the wound, my daughter said in deep thought and consideration, "Mum, I think you look about 46 years old."

Man, I gotta get my hair done.

Sentimental bloke

I often sit here at the 'new post' screen and start to write something a little more meaningful than funny, a little more heavy than lighthearted.

I'll put down two or three paragraphs and then press delete in disgust. It doesn't sound serious. I don't seem to be able to convey the right tone. It just sounds cheesy. Even sentimental.

We've been to a number of secular 'ceremonies' recently and I have been struck by the sentimentality that is so easily spoken in vows and promises and blessings.

Things like: "Some friends are not with us today. But we know they are with us in spirit, and are here with us in our hearts."

Are they? Is anybody thinking about them at all? Are they really there in spirit, or did they just give a negative reply to the invitation because they had a better offer on the day?

Things like: "Our love will go on like a river, never ending, always fresh."

Nice thought. Too bad the lovers in question ended up in an argument by the end of the night.

Why is it that when we try to be meaningful, it so often ends up as sentimentality?

I think that when we what we say is based on truth, it will not be sentimental. It's when we have hopes or dreams that are fanciful, or based on a denial of reality, or on a utopian hope for the future that has never yet been fulfilled - that's when these things become sentimental.

My aim is to always tell the truth.

Family Chocolate jobs

I am rejigging the morning routine. Last term our mornings were hectic, cranky, stressed and too short. Sooooo....

We are all getting up half an hour earlier. (Yes, I have to go to bed earlier to make up for it...) The extra time gives us the space to get all the jobs done and eat breakfast comfortably.

Instead of straining to hear the news on the radio, we have given up Adam Spencer and 2BL (sniff sniff) and are playing gentle classical music instead. This makes everyone less tense and gets rid of early morning information overload. We feel more relaxed as we eat and get ready.

With all the extra time, I have instituted a new tradition - Family Chocolate Jobs. We all gather in the kitchen and work together to unload the dishwasher.

Obviously, different ones are capable of different things. I’ve considered it a success so far if the two year old will stay in the room and a brilliant success if Bright Eyes the four year old will take glasses back and forth in his toy dump truck! The bulk of the work is done by daddy and daughter.

At the end, we have a family hug and congratulate each other, and then have a small square of (dairy free gluten free) chocolate before heading into the lounge room for a half hour of morning kids TV.

Beyond my ability

I never thought of the Apostle Paul as ever being at his wits end. I imagine him as the guy who copes through it all, his faith miraculously sustaining him, with always a smile or the right thing to say.

So I was a little surprised to read in 2 Corinthians this week when he wrote that “we were hard pressed beyond our ability to endure”.

Sometimes I feel hard pressed beyond my ability to endure. It’s at those times I tend to sink into little emotional pools of mud. I forget to pray and feel completely hopeless. I guess Paul may have felt like that too.

I love the words that he wrote next, “...but God delivered us”.
There’s a lot of comfort to be had from the fact that God knows what we can endure, and he will deliver us if we ask him.

And from those very difficult times and that deliverance come a wealth of strength which we can use for others.

I love the difference in tone between 1 and 2 Corinthians. The second letter is clearly written after Paul has suffered great wounds. Every word is love and comfort and comes deep from his heart which is sunk deep into God’s heart.

What do you think of this?

Here's a picture of the house we have just made an offer on.

It's an old two bedroom terrace in Goulburn and it is absolutely gorgeous! I have never seen a room so aptly described as 'sun-drenched'. And they didn't even mention that word in the ad!

We are feeling pretty excited about it, even though we won't be living there... at least not until we're 65.

Holiday highlights

Things I enjoyed on holidays

Looking at the water
Eating bacon and eggs (a lot)
Walks around the headland with my daughter
Watching Hairspray
Seeing the children enjoy playing on every playground we could find in the locality
Spending time with Pop
Catching up with some old friends
Hitting the op shop
Being really messy
Not doing the washing
Coming home!


(Unfortunately, on doing the last item in the list, I'm paying dearly for the second last item...)

Holiday happiness

We're off on holidays for two weeks, so I won't be blogging. Will I survive without it...?

See you soon. xxx

My mother is a gem

Here is a reason to be sick. Your mother may come to visit and clean your kitchen for you.

My mother has the gift of cleaning.

She finds dirt that I cannot see (or perhaps choose to ignore) and she removes it.

She reminds me to buy new, shiny dishcloths and more dishwashing liquid so that next time she comes she won't have to work with substandard equipment.

She rubs and scrubs until the entire kitchen shines. It is something I seem unable to achieve for myself, so I am very grateful when it happens for me via her capable hands.

There is an upside to feeling sick.

The girl who ate nothing but cake

I think my eight year old daughter may have inherited my 'gift' of anxious imagination (see previous post). Here is a story she wrote at school entitled 'The Girl Who Ate Nothing but Cake'.

Once there was a girl called Hattie. She ate nothing but CAKE!! One night she grew SO FAT. She couldn't fit in the car to go to school but she managed but she couldn't fit in the school room. So she did not have school work to her discugst but because she was still stuck so she died.

Hypochondria and death

I think about death almost every day. Not in a gruesome way, but in a "what would I do if...?" sort of way.

For example, husband might be ten minutes late. My mind goes straight into "It would be bad if he had a car accident. I hope he's ok. What if he died? How would they tell me? What would I say? Where would I live? What would we play at the funeral? How will I get on with the children on my own. I don't think I'd marry again..."

Or I hear a story about a child dying and think, "That would be awful. How would I cope? Would I have another baby? How would I tell the other kids? etc etc"

Or I feel slightly ill in the stomach and think, "Heavens - what if I have stomach cancer and I have a long prolonged drawn out death. How would I say goodbye to everyone? I'd have to write down instructions for husband about the children and make sure they were ok..."

As a child I frequently worried about mum and dad dying. It was good I knew that I'd be living with my aunty and uncle, although I was a little concerned that they'd have too many people to look after with three extra children and two of their own...

The good part about this habit is that I have made sure I have enough life insurance and super to survive should anything happen to my husband. The bad part about it is I think I am slightly hypochondriacal. Also, my husband rarely takes me seriously if I am concerned about an ongoing health problem.

"Oh, you just think you're going to die... don't worry about it!" (He says it in a nice way though.)

Is this a normal thing? Or am I the queen of panicky hypochondria?

PS. I do feel ill today. Woke with a throbbing headache. Read on the internet that waking up with a headache can be a sign of brain tumour.... here we go again.

Housework must go

I did a very interesting exercise the other day with a counsellor I see on and off.

In the middle of the table, she put down 30 little tokens. These tokens represented my available time and energy. Around the tokens I then put out different coloured pieces of paper. These represented different parts of my life such as being a wife, being a mother of my most difficult child, being a mother of the other two, social life, time for myself, my writing, church ministry and the housework.

I had to allocate tokens to each piece of paper to show how much time and energy I put into each area of life at the moment, and then how much I wanted to put into each area of life.

It was a very illuminating exercise to actually see where I put my efforts in a physical form.

A few things came up. I want to put more energy into writing and our marriage. But to do that means cutting down on something else. And hopefully it is the thing that eats up so much of my time... the dreaded housework.

I came away from the exercise trying to think creatively about how I can reduce or reorganise the housework (without getting a cleaner, which I can't afford), hopefully including all the rest of the members of the family so that we do it together.

We're about to have two weeks of holiday, so I'll use that to have a break from the current routine and then introduce some changes!

Vegies

Introducing my homegrown cauliflower, surrounded by its friends, coriander and cos lettuce.

I am currently enjoying it in the form of a rather tasty vegetable soup for lunch.

In the news

In the news today were three items of interest to me.

First was the announcement by Russell Crowe that in his football club (Souths - who my husband has supported through all the lean years) there will be no gambling poker machines when it reopens next year.

Kudos to Crowe and his business partner. The reason I generally avoid clubs is because of its heavy reliance on gambling income to prop up its business.

Some figures I heard today (and I cannot verify their correctness):
70-80% of club income comes from gambling
50% of that gambling money comes from people who have gambling addictions.

Also in the news, the terrible story of the young Chinese mother who was living in New Zealand with her husband. Her body was found today in her husband's car outside her home. She was most likely murdered by her husband, who then fled to Los Angeles via Melbourne, where he abandoned their three year old daughter 'Pumpkin' at a train station.

Domestic violence is real, horrible and tragic. It's not limited to one group of people or culture or socio-economic level. It is everywhere. We must expose it and condemn it.

Finally, I heard this story. A woman who is suing her doctor over a twin birth after more IVF embryos were implanted than she wanted. They want the doctor to pay the $400,000 or so it will cost to bring up the 'extra' child. I wonder if she has worked out which is the baby she wanted, and which is the one she doesn't want!

IVF and in fact, all reproduction, is not an exact science. You can't just 'make babies' on demand. They come, and they don't come, and sometimes you just don't know what you're getting, or when you're getting it. Assuming we have control over conceptions and births is kind of sad.

Time with children

Do we have enough time for our children?

Many parents complain about the press of daily life and the rushing around that we all seem to do. "Work-life balance" is the catchcry of our times.

There are a few simple ways to ensure we spend enough quantity and quality time with our children.

First is just doing normal everyday 'stuff' together. Unpacking the dishwasher, hanging out the washing, sweeping the patio, cleaning the pool - these are all opportunities we have to spend time with our children.

Little ones love to help and if we give them tasks that are appropriate for their abilities, they will feel competent and enjoy themselves.

Second is talking around the dinner table. This is such an important part of family interaction that it is regularly used in studies to assess the quality of the home environments for young children.

Third is chatting in the car on our way to wherever we are going! Let's not be tempted to always tune out and put on the radio. There are plenty of opportunities to talk to our children in the back seat.

Memory

My first memory comes from when I was 19 months old. My little brother had just been born, and my grandma was taking me and my older brother to the hospital to see him.

We were in a corridor and I was trying to reach up to see through the window into the baby nursery, but I was too little. My big brother tried to boost me up to see, but in the end grandma picked me up on her hip.

I have other memories following after this time - a favourite red dress, having a photograph taken with my cousin, playing in a willow tree.

Many of my memories are from before the age of 3, so I was very interested to read in Awakening Children's Minds that the large majority of people have no memory of themselves before this age. It is a phenomenon called 'infantile amnesia'.

Some researchers believe that in order to build an autobiographical memory, a children must have a well-formed sense of self - as a person who remains the same on the inside over time. Such a psychological self is not usually in place until the age of 3 or 4.

In addition, this kind of memory relies on the ability to organise personal information into a narrative form so that they become part of a life story.

I'll be interested to see what my children can remember as they grow older.