Resisting the temptation to be moral

My husband gets this great journal entitled Journal of spiritual formation and soul care. I thought this article by John Coe in Volume 1, Issue 1 was worth quoting in some length. It may be helpful in my journey towards joy.

"I want to address a peculiar temptation, one especially relevant and think universal to those who are dedicated to the Christian life and to ministry. It is what I call the moral temptation.

The moral temptation is the attempt to deal with our spiritual failure, guilt and shame by means of spiritual efforts, by attempting to perfect one's self in the power of the self.

It is the attempt of the well-intentioned believer to use spiritual formation, spiritual disciplines, ministry, service, obedience - being good in general- as a way to relieve the burden of spiritual failure, lack of love and the guilt and shame that results.

It is the temptation to try to relieve a burden that Christ alone can relieve....

My thesis or concern... for those believers who want to give themselves to a life of growth and ministry but are struggling with their faith, is two-fold:

1. That no amount of spiritual effort on their part can ever relieve them of their burden of shame and guilt in the Christian life except Christ. No amount of effort or doing of spiritual disciplines can grow them or fix them.

2. That in fact, the Christian life is not fundamentally about being moral in itself or about being a good Christian boy or girl. It is not fundamentally about obedience to a set of principles or doing spiritual disciplines... It is not even about character formation or imitation of Christ as a model.

... As we grow older in faith, we discover that the Christian life is more about Christ and less about our efforts. It is about what he has done, and about our life "in Christ" and how to open the heart to this New Covenant life dependent on the Spirit.

Growing Souls - Mark Yaconelli

This was my husband's most recent purchase with a book voucher he received for Christmas.

I read it, hungrily, in one day because it talks about the sort of faith-practice-experience I feel like I've been missing for a while.

Here's a little bit to whet your appetite.

'Christianity is relationship and any counselor worth her salt will tell you every healthy relationship is based in listening. To love someone, to befriend someone, to really know someone, you have to be willing to listen. You have to continually set aside your own agendas, perceptions and evaluations and listen in order to avoid mis-judging or misunderstanding the other.

Listening is difficult. Perhaps that's why most of us continually seek to label, predict and control our relationships because once a relationship becomes predictable, you no longer have to listen. When you no longer listen you can sit back, shut down and shift into automatic pilot.

But when we stop listening, something is truly lost. When we stop listening, the relationship diminishes - until it becomes a chore we attend to rather than a person we are connected to.

...it would be so much easier if God invited us to accomplish a mission statement rather than enter into a relationship. It's deeply unsettling to discover a God who seeks a mutual friendship rather than our subservient service.

Recent Influences

Here are some of the more recent influences on my life and thinking. (General disclaimer: Of course, the Bible and my family have been and continue to be big influences.)

The RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) program that we do with our autistic son has changed my whole outlook on parenting and my children.

Arch Hart's books on depression and his Adrenaline and Stress continue to be helpful in understanding why I get grumpy on days off.

Cloud and Townsend's How People Grow is still an enormously helpful book to re-read about spiritual, emotional and personal growth. It keeps me connected to people and being honest.

John Holt's books have been huge in my thinking about education, school and children. Also Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting and his thinking on rewards and punishments. Supplementing these are Joyce Fetteroll's and Sandra Dodd's websites about living with children.

Looking at these, I can see that most of them have to do with children, at least on the outside. However, they have had a great impact on my whole life and attitude as well. The thing I have learned most this year is that I am always learning and everything is connected.

Epic journey

My husband is very good at buying books. It's a skill that doesn't always get my total approval, but his most recent purchase is a real gem.

I've been a bit cross with God recently, mostly over prayer that appears to be unanswered in the way I want so my dear husband found me two books to help. Jerry Sittser is the author of both of them. (I'd tell you the titles, but then I'd have to get up from the computer and walk through the house to get them...)

Sittser lost a mother, wife and daughter in a car accident and is now the single father of the three remaining children. He's been through the wringer and come out the other side and his insights are very very helpful to me.

The idea that is sitting in my head right now is what he says about seeing prayer as an 'epic journey'. You get there in the end, but there are huge ups and downs along the way. Think Frodo and the Lord of the rings. If he'd given up when he met his first obstacle, the ring would never have been destroyed. In the same way, our epic journeys of prayer will not necessarily be straightforward and may well be dangerous and life-threatening.

I'm looking forward to reading the remaining chapters.

Spiritual steps forward... and back

I read a moving and thought-provoking article (link here) on spiritual transformation the other day. It included excerpts from a four hour conversation between Larry Crabb, Dallas Willard and a guy I've never heard of called John Ortberg , all about how true transformation and change deep in our character - heart - soul - whatever comes about in the Christian life.

Their insights were fantastic and I felt so spiritual after reading it, and keen to put a lot of things into practice. I was quite convicted of a lot of selfishness, anger and judgmentalism as well, and was very ready for God to change me.

Too bad then, that I managed to lose it and be completely grumpy with everyone around me for the next half day.

Unfortunately I wasn't very surprised. This is all part of a regular pattern. Whenever I've been interested in real change and growth and have taken steps to pursue it, I've been appalled at just how horrible I end up being later on.

Is it a case of 'for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction' and I'm still trying to change in my own strength? Or is it just the inevitable challenge from the other side?

I wonder if this is the case for most Christians? We read, get inspired, and then get deflated because we end up being even more hopeless than we thought we were. It's enough to make you think that real spiritual change here and now is a vain hope and we should just get on with being polite and reasonable to each other, and wait for heaven. It's easier to run another program at church than to put yourself out there and wait for God to do his internal work on your heart.

Trouble is, I'm just not satisfied with that answer. If Christianity is true and Paul was not exaggerating, I'm convinced that God wants us to be more and more 'conformed to his image', each day, in body, emotions, desires, hopes, dreams, language, actions.

I'm committed to pursuing this further and putting up with and confessing the rubbish that comes out of me in the meantime.

Welcoming Seminar

Someone asked me for my notes about the welcoming seminars I ran at church last week. The first 10 minutes was introducing two concepts - the idea of having a 'people filter' in our heads, and the four spaces of relationships (search on friendship in the topics on this blog to find out more about these).

'The People Filter'
Sometimes I go out by myself to a meeting or a function while my husband stays home with our children. When I get home, his first question is often: “Who was there?” Sometimes my answer is: “Oh, no-one really.”

Why do I say this?

What I mean is, no-one was there who was relevant or interesting to me. I’m very good at dismissing most of the world’s population because they didn’t make it through my people filter.

When we talk about welcoming others, the first thing we need to admit to ourselves is that we have a ‘people filter’.

It’s hard to admit that most of the time it’s switched on for the people relevant to us, and OFF for the people who are newcomers or strangers or different.

Brainstorming together
We did this for 20 minutes or so, writing down our answers on the board.

Us
Do we really want our church to grow?
What are the risks we take?
What do we lose?
What do we gain?
Why do we welcome? (versus why should we welcome?)

Them
Who are they?
Why do they come?
What do they want?
What do they expect?

Me
How well do I know myself?
What am I scared of?
What am I capable of?
How do I come across?
What do I fear?
What do I lose? What do I gain?
Why do I welcome?

God
What is his character?
What can he give us?

More Brainstorming
We then went on to identify problems that we faced when talking to new people or making ourselves known. After that we worked on some solutions for each problem. One very interesting that come up a lot was that some people were less interested in the problems they faced, and more interested in problems that other people have, or the building or circumstances present. I had to work hard to keep the focus on us and what we can do.

Bible time

I'm trying to read the Bible more. Sometimes it feels like the words are bouncing off my eyes and back out into the stratosphere, so I'm taking a leaf out of my RDI work and slowing it down. (Amazing how well that strategy works for most things.)

My latest idea is to find out the sermon text for the upcoming week and read the passage every day. If I can get one small thing out of it each time, I'll have gained four or five insights myself and hopefully more through the Sunday talk.

So.... today's reading is Romans 1:7-18 or thereabouts...

Romans 1:11-12 I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong, that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.

A spiritual gift that will make them strong is really nothing more complex than being encouraged by Paul's faith. He will also be made strong by being encouraged by their faith!

So, being together is important for strength. But that is not enough. Togetherness must be accompanied by mutually encouraging each other through our faith.

I wonder how intentional I have been about encouraging others with my faith. How could I do it more? And how can I be connected well enough with others to take encouragement from their faith?

Positions vacant

A friend working overseas in a country which will not be named, but which is in northern eastern Europe, is looking for the right person* to start up an English school.

Here's the ad they're sending out:

Future work/ministry position available – English school manager.

Background – Over the last two years we have been seriously considering the possibility of establishing an English school in our city. An English school will provide opportunities for foreigners to serve in our city. Future employees could opt for either a long or short term period of service. A school would be a useful tool in building relationships and a great witness to locals if we run it well. Furthermore, it could be a stable source of income for believers who often struggle to find good work. Ultimately, we see the school as an excellent support structure for the exciting things going on over here.

There is one crucial element for all this to go ahead, and that is to find a “product champion” (ie. Business/school manager), to lead the school from 2011 on.

This position would be ideally suited to those with small business experience and those with a willingness to train and encourage a small team. We need a foreigner in order to see the project thrive in its formative years.

If we are to start the groundwork for the project now we need to hear from interested applicants before July 2008. (Yes, this is a long lead-in time, but this is the time one would need in order to do language and culture training).

We would be most appreciative if you could pass this on to anybody you think might be suited and interested for this opportunity.


*Mark Wilson - this is you...

Degrees of separation

My husband and I attended a dinner for Anglican ministers and their spouses from our immediate region last night. Out of the 20 or so people who attended, I had at least 12 personal connections with:

• One lady who had been in a bible study with my grandmother for years.
• A couple who had originally come from the same church as my other grandmother and who had known me since I was tiny.
• A man who gave my dad a job about 15 years ago and met me before I was married.
• A woman who had been on a Moore College Mission to my dad's church in Gunnedah when I was in Year 12.
• A man who was in the same year at Bible college as my father.
• A woman who knows a girl with whom I went to school in Pakistan.
• Four people (at least) who had read the book I wrote.
• A couple who know my parents quite well and who are taking over a parish where my aunt and uncle used to work.
• One woman who asked me directly if I was related to said aunt (whom she knows), without knowing that we had any connection, just from my mannerisms.
• A couple whose daughter married the son of some friends of ours from Dapto.
• A man who I worked with a little at CMS.
• A couple who went to the same church as us over three years ago.
• There was only one person who I seemed to have no direct link with... but he was the son of one of the others!

Anglican circles are small.

Know-it-all

I think I'm turning into a patronising know-it-all snob. I'm not happy about it but it's really hard to stop doing it. (Perhaps I've always been this way?)

When people start talking about subjects I know a bit about or am enthusiastic about, I feel myself taking over and adding just a little extra bit of information here and there. I bluff over things I don't know and I can feel the ego creeping in.

At a birthday party the other day, my friend had made delicious meatballs with flaxseeds in them. I had seen the recipe already, so I knew what was in them.

"What are the seeds?" her sister asked her. And instead of waiting for my friend to answer, I chimed in "Flaxseeds. Great source of Omega 3 and 6. Very good for the brain. You can get LSA mix in the supermarket which is also really great."

Why? Why can't I just keep my mouth shut and wait to be asked? I just so don't want to be a know-it-all, but it is a temptation which I almost cannot bear.

I'm not sure that this blog is much good in stemming the tide of know-it-all-ism either. Here I've got a forum which is almost unchecked!

The root of it must be a desire to be better than others, which comes out of a lack of love for others and a feeling of inadequacy.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Jesus takes us as we are

I’ve been reading the story of Jairus, the man who pleads with Jesus to come and heal his daughter. We’re not told if the little girl has been sick for a long time, or if her illness is a sudden thing, but I can imagine Jairus’ desperation at seeing her close to death.

A parent will do anything, try anything, spend anything and go anywhere to save their child. Jairus would have seen Jesus as his last hope. “If I can just get him to come, he might be able to save her,” I can imagine him thinking.

Jairus did not come to Jesus because he was interested in his teaching, or because he wanted to see what all the fuss was about, or because he’d heard of how he answered the Pharisees. He didn’t come because of the theology. He came because he thought Jesus could do something for him and he was absolutely desperate for the result.

In the middle of this, we meet another desperate person – a woman this time, who is suffering from a chronic illness with not only physical effects, but also emotional and spiritual and social effects. The bleeding makes her an outcast from society and from practising her religion because she is continually ritually unclean.

She has spent everything she has on doctors and cures, and has ‘suffered much’ because of them. She’s a woman with no future, and she’s desperate for a change.

She doesn’t even ask Jesus to help her. She sneaks around the back and takes what she can.

What is Jesus’ reaction to both of these desperate people? He does what they need and are desperate for. He treats both of them with respect. He takes them as they are.

What he doesn’t do is also notable. He doesn’t require them to know or understand anything more of him. The faith that they have is enough – at least for now.

Desperate people come to Jesus today for a whole lot of reasons. He takes us as we are.

2008

This year I would like to:

- complete my book and find a publisher

- improve my ability to teach and guide Bright Eyes in his therapy.

- learn more about the way people learn and/or teach

- read a lot of books

- read more of my Bible

- have relaxing days off (child-free) with my husband

- talk to lots of people

- lose 3kg and start Pilates again

- stay in Mittagong (but that's not really up to me)

Really Useful Engines

I'm not a big fan of 'Thomas the Tank Engine theology'. It happens a lot in churches. People are only valued for what they do or their level of usefulness.

On the Island of Sodor, Thomas the Tank Engine's home, the engines are for the most part happy and contented little things... as long as they are working hard and being busy, but most importantly, following the orders of the Fat Controller.

The Fat Controller is King. He runs the show and tells everyone what to do. In one of our stories, he tells Thomas to go and pick up some new carriages.

"But..." says Thomas.

And, "Really Useful Engines don't argue," says the Fat Controller sternly, and Thomas wheeshes off sulking under his breath.

The engines have little opportunity to show initiative or individuality of thought. They certainly don't take holidays. Busy is best!

Sometimes it's easy to get into Thomas mode in church, where we all obey the minister, follow orders and don't think too much. As long as we're keeping busy and doing what we're told, we're valued, by the church and by God, apparently.

To a certain extent, of course church life must be a little bit like the Island of Sodor, in that we all have gifts we can use for the good of each other. Working together is better than individually. We are a body, and we are not to be lazy, in our lives or in our salvation. The trouble comes when we forget about rest, initiative, respect for all and the fact that we are all unique.

It's God's will...

I enjoy watching Survivor and analysing the behaviour of the winners and losers. Hearing the reasons why people think they've been voted out is very enlightening. Bossy ones think they are misunderstood and targeted. Lazy ones think they did their best. There's almost no-one who has a realistic or healthy view of their own achievements or efforts.

This week in Survivor China, Leslie, a Christian radio host was voted off. Why? According to her, it was God's will. She just came to love others for Christ. It was God who got her on, and it was God who took her out.

True enough, in a broad view.

The short-term, more human view, is that she was voted off because she was truly the most annoying person in the tribe. She was cloying, overly sweet, a little bit patronising, too talkative and extremely naive in the way she played the game.

I hate how Christians put all the blame on God for what happens to them, when if they just took a good look at themselves, they could see a whole lot of problems which cause their circumstances.

God might have put her on, but it was more likely the producers who could recognise an annoying team member when they saw one. And God might have taken her off, but it was her own behaviour to her tribemates which riled them enough to write her name down.

Patience

This picture is proof that people can grow more patient.

Call me crazy, but I decided to cook with not one, but two little boys the other day. I never cooked anything with my first child when she was under three because I hated the mess. I certainly didn't let her get like this.

This time, however, I didn't really care. I'm so much better at cleaning it all up. Plus, I have both a washing machine and a bathtub, and enough water to use them.

The important thing was that the children had fun and did something together with me.

I used to wonder how patience grew. Change of attitude is key I think.

An interesting thought.

If your theology is crooked,
when you rest on it,
it will break.

Answers

I've been enjoying reading the book of James for the last few days. It's had some answers for a few of my anxiety problems.

*******

The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
James 1:9-11

I've been thinking about how to accept my little autistic son as he struggles through life without the ability to read social nuances that most people have. At the same time I've been concerned that I'm not getting to do my 'projects', which seem all important in my mind. This passage puts both those problems together and turns worldly wisdom on its head.

*********

Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?
James 2:5

'Poor in the eyes of the world' can take many forms. In the end, it's not about how well my son can work a room, but how much faith he has in God.

********

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
James 4:13-17

This is so me. I have all these big plans that seem so important. But the older I get, the more I realise I just don't know what's going to happen next. Putting myself in the same category as 'mist' is a little deflating if I see myself as all important. But if I see my life as God-given, God-supported and God-directed, that's a whole lot better. The last verse stands out too. I do know the good I ought to do right now and that's to be the very best parent with God's grace I can be right now. So that will keep me going today.

Head spin

Note to self: don't even try to have Bible readings when you're sick!

I sat down this morning, on my second day of recovery after a night in emergency with a vomiting bug, ready set to have my quiet time. Turned aimlessly to Zechariah and started a head-spinning read about Zerubbabel, Joshua the high priest, women in baskets and fast horses.... what????

Words were floating all over the page so I finished up with a quick "God-help-me-today-I'm-going-to-need-it" type prayer. As it turns out, I did, and he did.

Sentimental bloke

I often sit here at the 'new post' screen and start to write something a little more meaningful than funny, a little more heavy than lighthearted.

I'll put down two or three paragraphs and then press delete in disgust. It doesn't sound serious. I don't seem to be able to convey the right tone. It just sounds cheesy. Even sentimental.

We've been to a number of secular 'ceremonies' recently and I have been struck by the sentimentality that is so easily spoken in vows and promises and blessings.

Things like: "Some friends are not with us today. But we know they are with us in spirit, and are here with us in our hearts."

Are they? Is anybody thinking about them at all? Are they really there in spirit, or did they just give a negative reply to the invitation because they had a better offer on the day?

Things like: "Our love will go on like a river, never ending, always fresh."

Nice thought. Too bad the lovers in question ended up in an argument by the end of the night.

Why is it that when we try to be meaningful, it so often ends up as sentimentality?

I think that when we what we say is based on truth, it will not be sentimental. It's when we have hopes or dreams that are fanciful, or based on a denial of reality, or on a utopian hope for the future that has never yet been fulfilled - that's when these things become sentimental.

My aim is to always tell the truth.

Beyond my ability

I never thought of the Apostle Paul as ever being at his wits end. I imagine him as the guy who copes through it all, his faith miraculously sustaining him, with always a smile or the right thing to say.

So I was a little surprised to read in 2 Corinthians this week when he wrote that “we were hard pressed beyond our ability to endure”.

Sometimes I feel hard pressed beyond my ability to endure. It’s at those times I tend to sink into little emotional pools of mud. I forget to pray and feel completely hopeless. I guess Paul may have felt like that too.

I love the words that he wrote next, “...but God delivered us”.
There’s a lot of comfort to be had from the fact that God knows what we can endure, and he will deliver us if we ask him.

And from those very difficult times and that deliverance come a wealth of strength which we can use for others.

I love the difference in tone between 1 and 2 Corinthians. The second letter is clearly written after Paul has suffered great wounds. Every word is love and comfort and comes deep from his heart which is sunk deep into God’s heart.