Recent Influences

Here are some of the more recent influences on my life and thinking. (General disclaimer: Of course, the Bible and my family have been and continue to be big influences.)

The RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) program that we do with our autistic son has changed my whole outlook on parenting and my children.

Arch Hart's books on depression and his Adrenaline and Stress continue to be helpful in understanding why I get grumpy on days off.

Cloud and Townsend's How People Grow is still an enormously helpful book to re-read about spiritual, emotional and personal growth. It keeps me connected to people and being honest.

John Holt's books have been huge in my thinking about education, school and children. Also Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting and his thinking on rewards and punishments. Supplementing these are Joyce Fetteroll's and Sandra Dodd's websites about living with children.

Looking at these, I can see that most of them have to do with children, at least on the outside. However, they have had a great impact on my whole life and attitude as well. The thing I have learned most this year is that I am always learning and everything is connected.

Who am I?

A friend blogged about personality types, according to the Myers Briggs test.

I took this test when I was 15, amongst our high school group of about 30 students. I came out with an unusual combination. The only person who had the same result was the only person I really didn't like in the whole group.

I took it again today, and had a slightly different result* from my teenage self.

ENFJ is now my label, and it looks like I've done the right sorts of jobs for my type so far in life. See how you fare.


*I came out an exact middle between extrovert and introvert as a teenager. This time I am a moderate extrovert, which is probably due to more maturity and experience.

Responsibility and Influence II

Some more thoughts from the coffee night!

You've done some thinking about responsibility and influence in your own life. Would you like to share some of it?

The topic for tonight centres around the words ‘responsibility’ and ‘influence’. Both are very good sort of words. When these attributes are properly demonstrated, they would be shown by good, upright sort of people.

They might also be shown by people who were trying very hard to be good and be right and be righteous.

I am a person who takes responsibility very seriously. And because of that, people have said that I exert a certain amount of influence. But I think sometimes – often - I am responsible because I am trying to prove my own goodness and my own rightness. Not always, but often. Often enough for me to get confused by it.

When my sense of responsibility comes from a need to prove myself, or do the right thing so that other people will love me or so that God will be pleased with me, it is a wrong responsibility. It is responsibility completely based on myself. And any influence that comes from that responsibility is based on me as well.

Yes, I might influence people, perhaps in ways that appear positive to begin with. But in the end, what hopeless influence that is! I’m no role model for anyone on my own.

And personally, when I hear the words ‘responsibility’ and ‘influence’ I get a bit bogged down, a little heavy-hearted. I think,

“Gosh, what do I have to do now?” or “What should I be like as a Christian?” or “I’m not responsible enough, and I’ll never have any influence for God”.

My language becomes a whole lot of have to, should, must. Lots of trying really hard.

So in approaching this topic, I would prefer to talk about not responsibility – but joy – and not influence – but overflow.

Because true Chrsitian responsibility comes directly from joy in God and true Christian influence is the beautiful, natural overflow of that joy to others around us.

Responsibility and Influence I

I was privileged to be the 'special guest' at a ladies' coffee and dessert night in Mittagong last week. I had to answer some questions on the topic 'responsibility and influence', so I'll be posting my answers (plus additional comments I just thought of) here over the next few days.


What influenced you as a child and young person?

• Living in a third world country – why is everyone so poor and we are so rich? Why should I be the lucky one? How can I reconcile two completely different universes? One where chocolate and an ipod is a necessity. The other where some people don’t even have sugar to put in their tea and no electricity or education.

• Seeing more things than the average child, and having a lot more experiences.

• Moving around a lot. A feeling of rootlessness. I belong nowhere, yet I can ‘fit in’ most places.

• Growing up in a Christian community of truly dedicated and committed people. Missionaries to Pakistan gave up a lot to go.

• Being a Christian minority in a majority muslim country. If Christianity is so true, then why are all these millions of people rejecting it? And how come there are so many really nice Muslims?

• Boarding school from age 11 to 16. Having to develop independence at a young age. This affected a lot of my attitudes in later life.

• Some really godly, loving people who just shine for Christ. Their influence has been incalculable.

• The prayers of my two grandmothers and a family atmosphere of Christian commitment and faith.

• Growing up in a society that doesn't like women much! I had to cover my head and be continually chaperoned in public as a teenager. Unfortunately it didn't help much with negotiating the continual public sexual harrassment that is inflicted on all women in Pakistan. I am wildly suspicious and of anything that even sniffs of sexism and have very strong emotional reactions to it.

• Seeing fabulous, raw scenery. Black night skies, fields of wild flowers, Himalayan storms, snowcaps, dusty deserts, mountain moonscapes.

• The ability to save money and not spend needlessly! Useful in later life to get through Bible college, although now I do tend to hyperventilate over even necessary purchases.