Memory

My first memory comes from when I was 19 months old. My little brother had just been born, and my grandma was taking me and my older brother to the hospital to see him.

We were in a corridor and I was trying to reach up to see through the window into the baby nursery, but I was too little. My big brother tried to boost me up to see, but in the end grandma picked me up on her hip.

I have other memories following after this time - a favourite red dress, having a photograph taken with my cousin, playing in a willow tree.

Many of my memories are from before the age of 3, so I was very interested to read in Awakening Children's Minds that the large majority of people have no memory of themselves before this age. It is a phenomenon called 'infantile amnesia'.

Some researchers believe that in order to build an autobiographical memory, a children must have a well-formed sense of self - as a person who remains the same on the inside over time. Such a psychological self is not usually in place until the age of 3 or 4.

In addition, this kind of memory relies on the ability to organise personal information into a narrative form so that they become part of a life story.

I'll be interested to see what my children can remember as they grow older.

Turn the other

A small example of how this verse can work.

"You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'If an eye is injured, injure the eye of the person who did it. If a tooth gets knocked out, knock out the tooth of the person who did it.' But I say, don't resist an evil person! If you are slapped on the right cheek, turn the other, too." Matthew 5:38-39

From the age of 11 until the age of 15, I went to boarding school in the beautiful Himalayas in Pakistan.

The setting was incredible, but it didn't always transfer across to relationships. Like any teenage girls, we all had our fair share of difficulties with our friends.

In eighth grade, I was sharing a room with four girls, including one called Grace. Up until this point we had been reasonably good friends. But one day, very suddenly, she took a huge dislike to me, without telling me why. She wouldn't speak to me or look at me. She ignored me completely at meals, in the dorm room and in class. It was a small school, and this was actually pretty hard to do, but she made a great job of it. It was as if I didn’t exist any longer in her world.

I was very upset for a few weeks. I tried to get her to talk to me and tell me what I’d done, but she refused.

So after a while, I decided that she could be as ridiculous as she liked, but that I would still be pleasant to her. So every time I passed her in the hall, I said ‘hi Grace’. I smiled at her pleasantly. I asked her to pass things at meals, and I was as conciliatory as I could be, without being cloying or over the top.

She ignored me successfully for about six weeks. And then one day, came up to me out of the blue. “Can I talk to you?”

“I’m really sorry," she said. "I just decided I didn’t like you one day and I was unfair and mean to you. But you kept being nice to me, even when I was being horrible. And I feel bad and I need to apologise.”

We were friends again! We were never best friends again after that, but at least we had a pleasant relationship and were on good terms. And I felt secretly pleased that my Christian behaviour had worked!

Just not a kid person

When I was a child, there were a few grown-ups whom I absolutely adored. Why? Because they had genuine time for children. They played with us, thought about us and planned treats. I could tell the difference between them and normal grownups who were far more interested in their own things to be bothered wtih kids.

I made a promise to myself in 1981, when I was eight, that I would be one of the children-loving grown-ups that I loved so much. I would remember how it felt to be a child. I would take out time to let children know that they are special.

Sorry - I never kept my promise. I still remember what it's like to be a child, but being with children (in general) tends to drain me and make me cross.

I thought I had it under control and that I am reasonable, if not nice, to most children, most of the time, but...

...fast forward to 2007: I'm telling this story to my extended family, with the seven year old daughter in listening earshot.

I say, "Yes, I wanted to be one of those people who just loves children..."

She pipes up, "but you're just not, are you mum!"

I think she knows me more than I like to think.