Why haven't I written anything deep or spiritual lately?

I don't know. Maybe because I can't type much. Maybe because I feel a little dry. Maybe because I wish I was thinking more. Hopefully it will come back...

Jesus takes us as we are

I’ve been reading the story of Jairus, the man who pleads with Jesus to come and heal his daughter. We’re not told if the little girl has been sick for a long time, or if her illness is a sudden thing, but I can imagine Jairus’ desperation at seeing her close to death.

A parent will do anything, try anything, spend anything and go anywhere to save their child. Jairus would have seen Jesus as his last hope. “If I can just get him to come, he might be able to save her,” I can imagine him thinking.

Jairus did not come to Jesus because he was interested in his teaching, or because he wanted to see what all the fuss was about, or because he’d heard of how he answered the Pharisees. He didn’t come because of the theology. He came because he thought Jesus could do something for him and he was absolutely desperate for the result.

In the middle of this, we meet another desperate person – a woman this time, who is suffering from a chronic illness with not only physical effects, but also emotional and spiritual and social effects. The bleeding makes her an outcast from society and from practising her religion because she is continually ritually unclean.

She has spent everything she has on doctors and cures, and has ‘suffered much’ because of them. She’s a woman with no future, and she’s desperate for a change.

She doesn’t even ask Jesus to help her. She sneaks around the back and takes what she can.

What is Jesus’ reaction to both of these desperate people? He does what they need and are desperate for. He treats both of them with respect. He takes them as they are.

What he doesn’t do is also notable. He doesn’t require them to know or understand anything more of him. The faith that they have is enough – at least for now.

Desperate people come to Jesus today for a whole lot of reasons. He takes us as we are.

Really Useful Engines

I'm not a big fan of 'Thomas the Tank Engine theology'. It happens a lot in churches. People are only valued for what they do or their level of usefulness.

On the Island of Sodor, Thomas the Tank Engine's home, the engines are for the most part happy and contented little things... as long as they are working hard and being busy, but most importantly, following the orders of the Fat Controller.

The Fat Controller is King. He runs the show and tells everyone what to do. In one of our stories, he tells Thomas to go and pick up some new carriages.

"But..." says Thomas.

And, "Really Useful Engines don't argue," says the Fat Controller sternly, and Thomas wheeshes off sulking under his breath.

The engines have little opportunity to show initiative or individuality of thought. They certainly don't take holidays. Busy is best!

Sometimes it's easy to get into Thomas mode in church, where we all obey the minister, follow orders and don't think too much. As long as we're keeping busy and doing what we're told, we're valued, by the church and by God, apparently.

To a certain extent, of course church life must be a little bit like the Island of Sodor, in that we all have gifts we can use for the good of each other. Working together is better than individually. We are a body, and we are not to be lazy, in our lives or in our salvation. The trouble comes when we forget about rest, initiative, respect for all and the fact that we are all unique.

Hypochondria and death

I think about death almost every day. Not in a gruesome way, but in a "what would I do if...?" sort of way.

For example, husband might be ten minutes late. My mind goes straight into "It would be bad if he had a car accident. I hope he's ok. What if he died? How would they tell me? What would I say? Where would I live? What would we play at the funeral? How will I get on with the children on my own. I don't think I'd marry again..."

Or I hear a story about a child dying and think, "That would be awful. How would I cope? Would I have another baby? How would I tell the other kids? etc etc"

Or I feel slightly ill in the stomach and think, "Heavens - what if I have stomach cancer and I have a long prolonged drawn out death. How would I say goodbye to everyone? I'd have to write down instructions for husband about the children and make sure they were ok..."

As a child I frequently worried about mum and dad dying. It was good I knew that I'd be living with my aunty and uncle, although I was a little concerned that they'd have too many people to look after with three extra children and two of their own...

The good part about this habit is that I have made sure I have enough life insurance and super to survive should anything happen to my husband. The bad part about it is I think I am slightly hypochondriacal. Also, my husband rarely takes me seriously if I am concerned about an ongoing health problem.

"Oh, you just think you're going to die... don't worry about it!" (He says it in a nice way though.)

Is this a normal thing? Or am I the queen of panicky hypochondria?

PS. I do feel ill today. Woke with a throbbing headache. Read on the internet that waking up with a headache can be a sign of brain tumour.... here we go again.

'You and God' isn't enough.

I've heard it said that if you have a relationship with God, you have everything you need.

And of course, that is true. But if you take that statement to mean that you don't need people, you've got the meaning wrong.

Check out Genesis. The first chapter is a real triumph of creativity and blessing. God creating this fabulous planet, solar system, universe. It works well, it looks unreal, there are plants, animals, sun, moon, weather systems, geological systems. It is good, good, good, good, good, God says over and over again.

Until we get to Genesis 2:18.

“It is not good for a man to be alone”. God says in Genesis 2:18.

And my question is: why the heck not?

The reason why it is not good to be alone is: because we are made in the image of God.

Genesis 1:27 says: God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.

What difference does that make?

God is one. But he is also three, in the Trinity. The Trinity is something that usually comes up in Sunday school and we all get out the egg illustration. How can God be one and three together? And who cares anyway? Does it make any difference to how I live my life?

Well, yes, actually.

God’s personhood shapes our identity as people. It shapes how we relate to other people.

God being trinity – three in one – shows us three things:

1. It’s not good to be alone. Why? Because: God at his very heart is relational. Each person of the Trinity is named in relation to the other – eg. The Father, the Son, Spirit of...

2. It’s good to be different and unique. Why? Because each person of the Trinity is different and unique. The Father is not the Son, is not the Spirit, is not the Father.

3. Loving interdependence is the way to relate. Why? Because the internal relationship of God is love. His nature is eternal togetherness. In his very being, God chooses to ‘be’ for others. There is a clear language of affection of love between the distinct persons in the Trinity. The god of the Bible is a personal God who is personal in his actions. He is a God of unyielding love who seeks us out for relationship. He loves us more than he loves himself. Loving is God’s very being.

So being truly human is finding your true being in relationship with God – and with others, because we are made in God’s image.

Ultimate reality is relational reality. In other words, if you are living apart from God and people, you are not really living.

The fact that God is a Trinity has dramatic consequences to the nature of our relationships with others. If we really believe that God is God, and that we are made in his image, we will think about our relationships differently.

1. Togetherness.
Instead of chasing our own stuff, and using people in order to achieve our own ends, we will be looking to serve God and others. We’ll be considering their needs above our own.

2. Difference.
Ever noticed that there’s a big push in society to make everyone the same? People are pretty scared of difference. It’s threatening. But from God’s point of view, we can appreciate diversity because each person in the Trinity is unique. Every person has unique qualities that we can embrace and appreciate. Also, in our close relationships, we won’t get enmeshed. We can be close, but separate.

3. Interdependence.
Heard this phrase? No man is an island? Understanding the character of God in the Trinity means that we have a great understanding of the idea of the body! What one person does affects another. What one person needs can be supplied by another. What one person is trying to accomplish can be helped along by another. We don’t have to be self-sufficient, independent or a ‘solitary hero’. In fact, it’s unchristian to be so!

Being the person God created you to be means that you cannot embrace individualism, you can’t live separated from others, you cannot truly be self-sufficient.

We need to be in relationships with people. It’s essential to our proper life as people. It’s the way God designed us. If we’re not, we are missing a whole part of how life is supposed to be.

And, our relationships must have these three qualities: togetherness, interdependence, difference.


Most of this post is based on my husband's post on the Trinity! So thanks AP

So many options, so little time

We were having a conversation with our seven year old this morning.

Her: I'm going to be a professor or a scientist when I grow up.
Us: That's interesting. Do you like science a lot?
Her: (screwing up her nose) Oh, no. No, I don't like science at all.
Us: You might have to choose something else then.
Her: Don't worry. I've got options.
Us: Oh really? Such as?
Her: Well, hairdresser, shopkeeper, teacher, book writer, Prime Minister, minister in a church, or just a person who goes to church.
Us: Ummmm, great! (what do you say at this point?)

Things II

Things I'm wasting time on
Checking email.
Trying to get a video clip of RDI therapy into a different format
Killing flies in my kitchen.
Walking back and forth in my kitchen moving things under the guise of 'tidying'. If I really am tidying - how come it's always a mess?'
Watching TV.


Things I should be doing instead
Preparing four talks for a camp in July!!!
Preparing creative activities for therapy and doing them.
Finding out where the flies are coming from and eliminating them at the source.
Earning enough money to employ a fulltime cook and cleaner. (Ha. I wish.)
Writing better blogs.

Quiet Leadership III

I love it in comics or cartoons when a character has an idea and a lightbulb appears over her head for a moment. She's had an 'aha' moment. Invariably what happens next is that she has a burst of energy to put her idea into practice.

In the process of making new superhighways in their own minds, we all have 'aha' moments. These moments of figuring it out for ourselves give off energy and give us a desire to take action which is rarely shown if someone else tells us what to do. So it's much more sensible to help someone think through things for themselves.

How do we help people think? Focus on solutions.

Look at these questions: "Why did this happen?"; "Why isn't this working?"; Why do you think you're not good at this?" They all focus on the problem.

These questions focus on the solution: "What do you want to achieve here?"; "What do we need to do to make this work?" "How can you develop strengths in this area?"

Wallowing in the problem, or even the details, doesn't achieve solutions. It's interesting, but it's not useful.

But let's get practical. Imagine someone says to you: "I'm really worried about my son Joe because he's been skipping school but he just doesn't seem to listen to me."

You want to help her think through her problem. But here's what not to do.

• Don't give advice.
• Don't ask questions about the problem itself.
• Stay out of the details.
• Don't rush her into action.
• Don't tell her how to think.

Here's what to do. First, listen again to what she says.

"I'm really worried about my son Joe because he's been skipping school but he just doesn't seem to listen to me."

What's the problem? I've put it in bold below. Remember, we don't want to discuss this.

"I'm really worried about my son Joe because he's been skipping school but he just doesn't seem to listen to me."

What are the details? Again, in bold below. We're staying out of the details, remember. They are interesting, but not useful.

"I'm really worried about my son Joe because he's been skipping school but he just doesn't seem to listen to me."

If we can't talk about the problem, or the details, what is left? Well, it's this: "I'm really worried..."

Listen for the thought process in a statement, and you have a key to helping people think. Then it's time to ask these sorts of questions:

How long have you been thinking about this?
How often do you think about this?
How important is this issue to you, on a scale of one to ten?
How clear are you about this?
What priority is this for you right now - top three, top five, top ten or top one?
What priority do you think it should be?
How committed to resolving it are you?
Can you see any gaps in your thinking?
What impact is thinking about this having on you?
How do you react when you think that thought?
How do you feel about the resources you've put into this so far?
Do you have a plan for shifting this issue?
How clear is your thinking about the plan?
What are you noticing about your thinking?
What insights are you having?
Are you clear about what to do next?
How can I best help you further?

Quiet Leadership II

More thoughts from the book Quiet Leadership by David Rock

The big question: How do we help people think better?

It helps to understand a little about how the brain 'hardwires' things.

Every day our brain lays down information and makes connections.

It's like building paths. If I think about something once, I might cut a tiny hiking trail through my brain. Think about it ten times and it becomes a footpath. Do something about your thoughts and you'll build a road. Practice doing it for three hours a day and you've built a superhighway that becomes a part of how you automatically think and act.

Once you've built a superhighway and created a habit, it's hard, if not impossible, to undo it. So if you're trying to help people think better, don't try to undo something that already exists.

Instead, build a new superhighway. It's far more effective to lay down new pathways in the brain and start using them than to try hard to get rid of old ones!

Another way of saying this is: help people focus on solutions rather than problems.

In David Rock's words: "We need to give up our desire to find behaviours to fix and become fascinated with identifying and growing people's strengths, [which is] an entirely other discipline."

Quiet Leadership I

I've just finished another book which will change my life, especially the way I talk to people. It's called 'Quiet Leadership' by David Rock andI'll feed you bits at a time.

The first three points seem obvious:

People are more motivated to act when it's their own idea.
Everyone's brain is different.
Most people react against being told what to do.

However, we hardly ever put these things together and let it change the way we act. Most of us will take someone's dilemma, feed the information in to our own brains, come up with a solution which would suit us, and strongly insist that the person should then do what we tell them.

We forget that our brain is different from their brain, and what works for us may not work for them. We forget that they will not be motivated to change unless they find their own solution, and we forget that the fact that we are telling them what to do will almost certainly result in them not doing it!

The point: Giving people solutions does not work. But helping them to think for themselves is always going to be more useful.

The question: How do we help people think better?

The answer: Coming in the next few blogs!!!